Twisted Branches
by IckleSickle
Summary: Bad news force Remus to visit home during his final Christmas at Hogwarts, and Sirius insists on accompanying him. But how many secrets can the werewolf still be hiding, and is Sirius' own heart quite honest either? Dark themes - past incest, past child sexual abuse, SLASH
1. Dead Branches

A/n: I'm trying to go through this story and correct typos and inconsistencies, and I'm sure there are many since it took me so long to finish. The story is AU.

Hello! I had this weird idea for a story for a while and since I love a RIT (remus in turmoil) I decided to write it.

I don't own anything. Well, expect for a twisted imagination. Please READ&REVIEW so I can become a better writer and will get the gusto to publish more.

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It was their 7th year Christmas Holidays and only Sirius and Remus had stayed behind. The werewolf had just been through a taxing full moon and wanted to catch up on some reading so he had decided to stay, and Sirius had informed James' parents that despite being forever thankful he'd stay behind as well to study and keep company to their werewolf friend (although he wasn't really going to study and he would never tell Jim's parents Moony was a werewolf, or tell Moony that he was the reason to stay behind).

On the third morning of the Holidays the two Marauders sat side by side at the single remaining table in the Great Hall, enjoying the foods and planning a trip to Hogsmead later that day. However, their planning was interrupted by a large barn-owl flying to Remus and dropping a scroll of parchment to the honey-haired teen's lap before flying away.

"Who's that from?" Sirius asked his friend while shoving more bacon into his mouth. The few remaining students and teachers also glanced at the bird with interest but had by now returned to their food and conversations.

"That's my dad's owl", Remus muttered and opened the scroll carefully. He read the letter and stared at it for so long that Sirius, who had been focused on trying to hex a nearby Slytherin, got distracted and glanced at his friend. When he saw that Remus was even paler than usual and shaking a bit he immediately shoved his wand to his pocket and leaned in.

"What is it, Moony?" he asked in a lowered voice.

Remus took a couple of deep breaths before answering him in an unsteady voice.

"It's my mum. Her Dragon Pox took a turn for the worse."

The werewolf turned teary eyes to Sirius.

"They say she won't make it. That by the time this arrives it's likely she's gone."

At this point Remus finally collapsed and started sobbing quietly, quickly gathering the attentions of others at the table. The dark haired animagus helped him up and walked him swiftly out of the Hall and towards their Tower.

Within three hours both boys were on their way to the Lupin household. Remus had tried to convince Sirius that he didn't need to come, but even if he was afraid of intruding, the animagus couldn't stand the idea of them both being alone and sad onChristmas. Also, Dumbledore who had shortly followed them to the Gryffindor Tower suggested that Remus did indeed need someone to travel with.

None of the Marauders had ever been to Remus' place, and Sirius was starting to feel a bit nervous. The Lupin household was apparently disconnected from the Floo Network so they were travelling by a carriage lent by Dumbledore. The carriage had flown part of the way and they had been travelling for a long time, most of it spent in an uneasy silence, an uncommon occurrence among the Marauders.

"So... where exactly do you live?" Sirius finally asked.

Remus didn't turn his head from where it was leaning against the frosty window of the carriage, hazel eyes staring into the darkness.

"Wales, but you knew that", Remus muttered absentmindedly.

"Actually, I don't think you've ever mentioned it", Sirius pondered aloud, but got no answer and the silence fell again.

It didn't last too long though, for Remus leaned from his seat and peered at the dim lights that were flashing past them. He sat back and finally faced the other boy, looking quite nervous.

"We're nearly there. You could still go back you know."

"The only way I'm leaving is if your father throws me out", Sirius answered, suddenly afraid that was exactly what would happen - maybe his father was the reason none of them had been invited to the werewolf's home.

Remus gave a weak chuckle but didn't comment further, and then the carriage came to a stop.

They exited the carriage to a snow-covered yard of a small two story house. In the yellow electric light cast from the downstairs windows Sirius could see that the pale blue paint of the house was peeling, and a gutter was bent, but otherwise it seemed to be in an okay shape. Remus sighed softly and started to tread through the snow towards the front door of the house, and Sirius followed him silently with the sense of impending doom. The two boys reached the door and Remus pushed it open, revealing a small hall with a coat rack and a row of shoes, and doorways to the right and left. Once they got the door closed the werewolf and his friend rid themselves of their winter coats and boots.

"Dad?" Remus called hesitantly after pausing in the hall.

"In here", came an answer from the right, which turned out to be a decent sized eat-in kitchen with cheery yellow walls and old-fashioned decor.

At the dark wooden table sat a man with his head in his hands. Sirius could only see that Remus had inherited his father's honey-and-sand hair, although Mr. Lupin had almost as much grey in his locks as the original colour. When the older man lifted his head Sirius could see that he also shared his son's intelligent hazel eyes and his nose with a slight bump in the bridge. Otherwise there weren't many similarities - John Lupin was broad shouldered and a bit stocky, and his skin was quite tan, where Remus was more slim and his skin was much lighter.

"Who's he?" Mr. Lupin asked in a rough voice, regarding Sirius. He didn't seem hostile but somewhat wary.

Before Remus could answer Sirius stepped forward and thrust his hand to Mr Lupin, biting back his usual let's-charm-the-parents-smile which was like second nature to him, but would have probably been devastating considering the circumstances. Mr Lupin took his hand, gazing from under his rather thick eyebrows.

"Sirius Black, sir. I'm so sorry that we meet under these circumstances."

"Black? So what are you doing at our half-blood residence then?" the older man asked and snatched his hand back.

"With all do respect sir, I don't give a tiny rat's ass about the supposed purity of blood. I haven't spoken to my parents since I ran away from home, I'm not even in Slytherin. They hate me and I hate them. And to as why I'm here, I'm here to support Remus. I'm sorry if that's a problem."

The older man looked stunned for a while and Sirius wondered if he had crossed the line like he often managed to do. Then Mr Lupin sighed and managed a weary smile before standing up and turning to rummage through the cabinets.

"I'll put the kettle on", he said instead of commenting on Sirius' rant. "Your mother is in the master bedroom if you want to see her. She's basically in a coma, and like I wrote, she won't be with us much longer."

Sirius heard shuffling behind him and turned to follow Remus out of kitchen and through the other doorway in the hall. They passed through the sitting room that had pale blue walls, a threadbare sofa and two armchairs, some bookshelves and a strange wood-paneled box with a glass front in the corner. Remus headed towards the narrow stairway that started from the other corner of the room, and started climbing.

The stairs creaked under their weight as did the floor boards on the landing once they got there. Remus clicked on the light and paused in the small space before turning to Sirius. His face was pale and the shadows under his eyes made him look much older than his 17 years. He was twisting the hem of his red sweater nervously.

"You can wait in my room", the werewolf said in a small voice, gesturing at the first door to Sirius' left.

"I'll come with you", Sirius immediately offered but Remus shook his head.

"It's better if you don't, I... I really want to have some time with her by myself."

Sirius had rarely felt as helpless as now when he watched his friend turn to the door opposite to his own. The pale boy swallowed audibly before reaching a shaking hand to the handle. Sirius took this as his cue to leave him, and mirrored the werewolf's actions on the door he had gestured at earlier. He twisted the handle and stepped into the room and fumbled for the light switch and clicked it. Yellow light flickered to existence inside a round paper shade that hung in the middle of the small room. Sirius examined his surroundings in wonder, realizing that this was where Remus spent his vacations and his childhood.

In the corner there was a narrow bed covered neatly with a dark blue comforter. The small nightstand had a couple of books and a light on top of it, and next to it was an ancient-looking chest of drawers. The wall next to Sirius, the one with the door, was covered in bookshelves stuffed with books and boxes. There was only one window, right opposite to the door and it had a small white desk and chair in front of it. Where the room was otherwise neat, the desk had containers of ink, pens and pencils, parchments and books littering it.

Sirius stepped towards the desk and peered at the papers curiously. To his disappointment they were mostly empty, and the ones that did have something on them were doodles or outlines for the essays they'd had to do last summer. He sat on the chair and sighed softly. Remus' room seemed so small and insignificant. Did the werewolf just sit here all summer long, reading and doing schoolwork? He eyed the papers on the desk and something struck him as odd. Why would neat, tidy Moony scatter this many papers around if he wasn't using them? Out of instinct he grabbed his wand, pulled a parchment closer and whispered:

"I solemnly swear I'm up to no good."

To his amazement and satisfaction thin lines started to appear on the paper. He leaned in and watched as they started to form a picture. A grin spread on his face as the picture finally revealed three detailed forms carefully drawn in ink - a rat, a stag and a dog, standing in the midst of trees and bathed in the light of the full moon. Elated, Sirius grabbed another paper and repeated the incantation. A picture of a laughing James Potter appeared. The next paper had all three animagi in their human forms, hands thrown on each others shoulders. Then James and Sirius. One with Peter cheering in the Quidditch stands. Then Sirius on a broom. Sirius sitting under a tree. A couple of pictures of the three of them. Then Sirius again, this time apparently asleep.

The raven-haired boy stared at the last picture, perplexed. Finally he put it down and was about to reveal another picture when a noise made him start and he hastily muttered counter-spells to hide the pictures again, afraid of getting caught. When he was done and his heartbeat was starting to get back to normal he listened for the sound once more. His heart sank and he walked out of the room as soon as he recognized it. Someone was sobbing, and there weren't many options. Sirius walked across the small landing, opened the door that Remus had gone through and froze.

Remus' mother was laying perfectly still on the bed, and Sirius' first thought was that despite her age and illness, she had been a beautiful woman. Her dark-brown curls were laid on the pillow, her delicate hands rested on the covers and her face was serene. She and Remus had the same full lips, slender form and from what he could see under the pox, the same pale skin. Her hair and upturned nose were the most noticeable differences to her son.

Speaking of her son, Remus had tucked himself in a corner and was hugging his knees, sobbing. He only ceased when Sirius called his name and asked what was wrong.

"She s-stopped b-breathing" Remus sniffled in near-hysterics. "She stopped a while ago and I didn't, I couldn't -"

"Calm down", Sirius said softly and pulled Remus up and into his embrace. It felt a bit weird after the pictures, and even weirder as he was now quite aware that there was a corpse in the same room.

"We have to tell your dad, come on", the animagus continued and started pulling the werewolf from the room and down the stairs.

When they got back to the kitchen they saw Mr Lupin in the same chair and same position they had when they first arrived, only now there was a chipped mug in front of him. Sirius gave Remus' hand a soft squeeze to encourage him before letting go of it.

"...dad?" Remus said hesitantly, and the man lifted his head and gazed at them with weary eyes.

"Mum's dead", the werewolf croaked and Sirius saw tears staining his cheeks again.

Mr Lupin didn't react straight away, just stared at them without blinking or really seeing. Then he sighed and pushed himself away from the table, picked up his full mug of tea and placed it in the sink. He kept his back to them, gripping the metal edges of the sink and swaying slightly on his feet. The silence was becoming unbearable when Mr Lupin finally spoke.

"Someone has to deliver the message to her brother."

"Send an owl", Remus muttered and Sirius saw him tense and shudder.

"It would take days for an owl to reach him in this weather. Besides, I swore I'd never contact that man."

The older man had a stony expression on his face when he turned to his son and Sirius, who was feeling increasingly uncomfortable.

"You will go."

Remus flinched and stared at his dad in shock. His jaw opened and closed a few times before he got any sound out.

"I can't, dad..."

"Yes you can and you will."

Remus' voice trembled.

"No, dad, please don't make me go... Dad, please, dad don't -"

"STOP CALLING ME THAT!" the man suddenly yelled, rendering Remus speechless and leaving a ringing silence in the room.

Sirius could hear his own heart pounding. After a moment of labored breathing Mr Lupin continued in a soft voice, absurdly different from his yelling.

"Sorry about that. Now be a good boy and hurry up and go, hm? Your carriage awaits."

"Okay. I'm sorry too, da-..." Remus swallowed the last word and nodded meekly, turning to push past Sirius to the small hall where he started to put on his shoes.

For a moment Sirius stood there, in the middle of a cheery kitchen, and wondered what he was supposed to say. He settled for again saying he was sorry for their loss since _"it was nice to meet you"_ would've been quite a stretch. He followed Remus who was wrapping his thick scarf around his neck. Sirius pulled his boots on and shrugged on his coat without bothering to do the fastenings properly.

"I'm coming with you", he announced and readied himself for an argument, but Remus just nodded silently and pushed the door open and stepped outside, Sirius following.

The werewolf paused for a moment, peering at the carriage that was waiting for them where they left it.

"Oh wow", he breathed finally and continued more carefully, never taking his eyes of the carriage. The black-haired teen jogged to his side and peered at his friend's mesmerized face with concern.

"You alright there, Moony?" he asked when Remus walked to the front of the carriage and stretched his shaking hand into thin air.

The werewolf didn't answer at first, just stroked his hand through the air. Then he turned to his friend and smiled slightly.

"Thestrals, Sirius", he whispered. When Sirius just stared blankly, he continued: "You know, winged horses. That's what's pulling the carriage."

"You sure you haven't just gone a bit wonky?" the animagus chuckled nervously, being still somewhat unsure about what his friend was talking about - he couldn't see a thing.

"Come here"; Remus said and took Sirius' hand his own, pulling him towards the spot where he had been stroking air.

The honey-haired teen raised both their hands and suddenly Sirius felt something scaly and leathery under his fingers, making him jolt back.

"That does _not_ feel like a horse", he managed, trying to squint to see something, hesitantly reaching his hand to the invisible surface.

Even after spending his whole life in the Wizarding World it was a weird experience. The only thing he noticed was the somewhat round shapes in the snow, which he supposed could be from hooves. They stayed like that for a moment until Remus cleared his throat and addressed the thin air in front of him.

"We need to get to Yellow Manor in England, do you know where it is?"

Apparently the answer was positive since Remus thanked and bowed the tiniest bit before climbing into the carriage and helping Sirius up as well. They settled to their seats and Sirius tried to give his friend, who had gone quiet and serious-looking, some space. It wasn't long after the carriage started moving that he couldn't bite his tongue anymore.

"So, a manor, huh? Your uncle a lord or something?" Sirius inquired with a small smile, hoping to keep the mood even a tad light.

Remus didn't respond to his smile and glanced at him with a weird expression.

"No, he isn't. And don't call him that." After a pause he sighed and continued. "He isn't a lord, he just bought the big house that has a stupid name. I guess he's somewhat wealthy, not that my family has ever gained anything from that. And he has never been a part of my life so I don't call him uncle."

Sirius nodded and though he itched to ask more, he sensed it was better to leave it be. They settled to their seats and soon the dark-haired boy felt the day weigh on him, pushing his eyelids shut and making the swaying carriage feel like a cradle.

He wasn't sure how long he had dozed off for, but when Remus was shaking him slightly it was, if possible, even darker outside, and they had yet again landed and were slowing down.

"Were almost at the door, Sirius", Remus whispered nervously. "Try to wake up a bit, he must be waiting since the gates opened up for us when we approached."

The carriage came to a halt and Sirius yawned and stretched his arms. He then ran a hand through his messed up hair, hoping it wouldn't look too bad, and then glancedat Remus who had his mouth in a tight line and brow scrunched up. The werewolf peered outside and sighed.

"He's waiting. We have to go."

After that he pushed the carriage door open and jumped down to the frozen ground, shortly followed by Sirius, who gazed around, taking in the big, Victorian style house and large, fenced in yard before focusing on the figure outlined in the yellow light shining through the open double doors.

"Remus, mon garçon! I see you've brought a friend!" a melodic voice called from atop of the steps. "Come in or you'll freeze!"

The boys climbed the stairs and the man waiting for them made way. The hall was brightly light and spacious, it's decor a mix of Victorian and modern pieces. A wide staircase rose from one corner and there were three doors leading out of the room. Sirius didn't have much time to take this all in before his attention narrowed in on the man that was greeting them.

The man was in his forties and dressed in a dark blue robe. His shoulder length hair was pulled back with a ribbon and was the exact same colour and texture as his sister's. His features were strikingly similar too, and it was weird seeing some of Remus in the older man's face, although his blue eyes were nothing like Remus' hazel ones. All in all he was a good-looking man and gave off an air of prosperity and hospitality.

The werewolf hadn't removed any of his outer clothes, and was standing in the middle of the room looking awkwardly at anything but the man, who now spread his arms and smiled broadly.

"Remus, my sweet boy. You've grown", the man stated warmly and pulled the reluctant boy to himself, kissing him on each cheek. It took a moment for the man to let Remus go, then he stepped back and gazed at him from head to toe before focusing on his face again.

"So, I suppose you haven't traveled here solely to pay me a visit. Have you some news?"

Remus took a deep breath and squared his shoulders before raising his head to meet his uncle's eyes.

"Mother's dead", he stated simply. The smile on the older man faltered.

"That is unfortunate. Though my sister was often ill and restless, so maybe she will have some peace now."

Somehow this comment seemed to offend Remus, who clenched his gloved hands into fists and pursed his lips. His uncle didn't seem to notice or chose to ignore it, in stead turning to Sirius and offering his hand.

"And you are?" he asked with his smile returning to his face with no effort.

Sirius took the hand and introduced himself, somehow slipping back to his childhood years of being formal and respectful - the man and the surroundings seemed to demand it.

"I am Sirius Black, sir, Remus' friend from school. I accompanied him so he wouldn't have to travel alone under these circumstances."

Remus sneaked a side long look at Sirius with wide eyes and raised eyebrows but didn't comment on his friend's uncharacteristic behavior. Remus' uncle just widened his smile, revealing perfectly straight and white teeth.

"Ah, I should've recognized a Black, you do have the characteristics. Good to know Remus has some high-class friends. But don't bother calling me sir, you can call me André."

The handshake was warm and firm, but Sirius felt oddly insecure as André's striking blue eyes gazed into his own intensely. Remus shuffled his feet awkwardly and Sirius was somewhat relieved when his hand was released and the older man clapped his hands together, yet again smiling joyously.

"Well, even though the circumstances aren't optional, we might as well make the most of your visit. I haven't seen you in so long, Remy, take of your coat and let's go into the sitting room!"

Sirius was already pulling off his coat when Remus interrupted in a small voice.

"No. I came to tell you that mother is dead. I have done that and we should return to school."

"Don't be silly my dear boy!" André laughed. "It's very late and the journey is long. Besides, I sent the carriage away already, your things are in the guest bedroom. Surely Dumbledore doesn't expect you to get back right away in these conditions and at this hour. You're staying."

When Remus still hesitant, Sirius threw his coat on a nearby chair and walked over to his friend. The werewolf refused to meet his eyes and was chewing on his bottom lip. Sensing his friend's distress Sirius frowned and laid a comforting hand on the werewolf's shoulder.

"He has a point, Moony. Let's just stay the night, we'll contact the school first thing in the morning."

Remus sighed and nodded, starting to unbutton his winter coat.

"Excellent, I'll go tell the elves to make enough tea for all of us", his uncle announced and left the room.

Sirius turned back to Remus who had hung both their coats and was now sitting on a Victorian chair pulling his boots off. The werewolf looked somewhat nauseous.

"Hey, it's only for one night. Besides, he seems okay to me", Sirius offered lamely.

The sandy-haired boy shot him a sharp look.

"You don't know what you're talking about", he almost growled. Sirius was however unable to inquire more since Remus' uncle returned and lead them to the sitting room.

The rest of the evening went swimmingly as far as Sirius was concerned. He didn't pay much attention to Remus who was quietly sipping his tea when André told boisterous stories that made Sirius snort Firewhiskey that the man had generously offered saying:_ "You aren't in school now, you can have a bit!"_

When they finally climbed the stairs hours after midnight Sirius was still preoccupied with images from André's tales and didn't really attention to Remus who continued his silence. He let Remus lead them to a decent sized room where they found their luggage piled next to a king-size bed. Sirius only snapped out of his reverie when the werewolf threw his pajamas at him.

"I can take the floor", the werewolf muttered with his back to the black-haired boy.

"Don't be silly, the bed is huge. We can share", Sirius barked a laugh, starting to pull his day-clothes off.

"Okay", Remus simply said and started to change into his own more tattered and somewhat too small night-wear.

When they were done Remus lead Sirius to a nearby bathroom since there wasn't one adjoining the guest room. Sirius sat himself on the edge of the huge claw-foot tub and started brushing his teeth while Remus did the same standing. Sirius, always too impatient to take time in his routines, spat the suds out before Remus had even properly started.

"You seem pretty confident walking around here though it's a big house", he said just to say something.

"Mum and I used to visit when I was a child", Remus answered around his toothbrush with some difficulty.

Sirius nodded and tried to occupy himself with following the intricate floral patterns on the floor tiles, but found himself too bored and tired. When Remus seemed to be his rigorous self and kept brushing after what seemed like an eternity, Sirius just excused himself and wondered back to their bedroom. He tucked himself in and tried not to fall asleep even though the bedding felt luxuriously soft and warm after a harsh day of travelling and emotional turmoil.


	2. Broken Branches

A/N: There are some quotes from songs here, nothing major though, just had it in my head that they fit. Also, the French is from Google Translate, so please don't kill me/yourself if it's terribly wrong.

WARNING! Foul language, possible murder of the French language, some slash.

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When Sirius woke it took a while before he realized where he was and why. The candle he had lit before climbing in bed was still burning on the nightstand, and when he glanced at the grandfather clock that stood on the opposite wall from the bed he saw that he couldn't have dozed off for more then half an hour. But where was Remus?

He shivered a bit as his bare feet hit the cold floor and he silently tip-toed out of the room clutching the candle holder. The corridor was empty, and there was no light shining from under the bathroom door. In fact, the only light apart from Sirius' own candle was coming from downstairs, from the direction of the sitting room. He was just about to descend the stairs when he heard André's voice, but it didn't sound joyful or melodic now. It sounded harsh and demanding, even though the animagus didn't understand the words.

"Je veux voir le vrai vous."  
>"This is the real me."<p>

The second voice was barely recognizable as Remus, it was so small and timid. Sirius felt uneasy as he sneaked forward. He was more then halfway down the stairs when he finally saw into the room through the door that had been left ajar. Remus had his back to Sirius, but the dark-haired boy could see his uncle more clearly. All friendliness had vanished from his face and he was clutching his wand.

"Parle même pas des Français", the older man muttered more softly and lifted his hand but the werewolf flinched away.

"No", Remus breathed so quietly Sirius had difficulty hearing.

He dared to take a few more steps down, getting a partial side view of Remus now - he was biting his lip again.

"Obéir à!" the older man barked, making both Sirius and Remus jump.

"No, I won't. You can't order me around anymore", Remus answered but his voice was shaky.

His uncle gave a quiet laugh at that.

"What happened to my dear Remy? You used to be such a good boy", he sighed and managed to grab Remus this time, pulling the boy closer.

Sirius tensed but the man didn't really do anything, just held the sandy haired boy so close their chests were almost touching. Sirius sneaked to the last step, ready to intervene if the man made any moves to hurt the werewolf.

"What do I have to do to make you good again?" he sighed and started to unbutton Remus' pyjama-top with his free hand.

For a split second Sirius just gaped in shock at them before he barged in, noisily banging the door open and startling both men inside. He didn't get any further before there was a wand pointed steadily at his face. André had spun Remus so the werewolf had is back against his uncle's chest.

"Let him go!" Sirius growled but didn't dare to move.

He felt so powerless without his wand, seeing his friend being held down with his shirt half undone. And Remus had told him he didn't like his uncle, had told him he didn't want to stay... Although who could have guessed the reason was something this sinister?

"Now why would I do that?" the man asked, sounding amused. "In fact, I think I have a better idea."

André's hand sneaked back inside Remus' shirt and the boy's eyes went wide with horror.

"No!" Remus choked out. "I'll be good, I'll do what you want, just not, not in front of him, please."

"No you won't do what he wants!" Sirius screamed, feeling like he was gonna wretch. "He's gonna let you go and we're gonna leave NOW!"

Ignoring the black-haired boy, the older man paused his hand inside the werewolf's shirt and turned his gaze to the boy, his wand still steadily pointing at Sirius.

"You'll be good? I don't have to, hmm, let's say, tell your little friend your secret?" he inquired softly.

"I know he's a werewolf, you moron!" Sirius yelled. "You can't use that against him, you can't blackmail him you sick, twisted fuck! NOW LET HIM GO!"

"Sirius", Remus half whispered, half whimpered. "Just go. I'll be up soon. It's for the best, really."

The taller youth was stunned for a moment. He tried to catch Remus' eyes but the other boy hung his head low in defeat. André chuckled darkly.

"Oh, you stupid boy. I didn't mean him being a werewolf", he smiled and started to move his hand aroung again, making Remus yelp.

Before either boy could react André yanked his hand out of the shirt. Sirius saw a glint of silver but what happened right in front of his eyes distracted him from it completely.

Remus had lifted his hands to cover his face but André was forcing them down again. Sirius gaped at his friend. He was barely recognizable. Scars crisscrossed what skin was visible, his hair and features had changed, but it was hard to concentrate on anything but his eyes - they glinted amber and gold and made Sirius' heart flutter.

"Moony, you look just like your mother", the black-haired boy gasped.

"Really?" André asked in a mock-surprised voice and pulled Remus tight against himself again, lowering his chin on the shaking boy's shoulder. "I always thought he looked more like his _father_."

"What do you...?" Sirius started before realization hit him like a punch in the stomach.

How Remus' mother had looked like her brother. And how straight Remus' nose was right now. Just like his uncle's.

"It's really a shame about the eyes, those he got from his other kind of father. Not that they aren't mesmerizing as they are", André muttered and petted Remus' dark brown curls, so much like his own.

Tears ran down the young werewolf's face, making his eyes glisten even more. The older man finally let go of him and and Remus fell to his knees, sobbing and desperately grasping at the the broken pieces of a silvery chain that had formerly been on his neck.

"Oh Remy, this isn't how I would've raised you..." the man muttered and shook his head, twirling his wand in a bored manner. "So weak, despite your beautiful pure blood."

What happened next made Sirius even more baffled then he already had been. Suddenly Remus twisted himself towards André and extended his hand in a flash, yelling "Expelliarmus!" and the man's wand flew from his hand and towards the werewolf. Remus grabbed it and pointed it straight back at his uncle, now crying out "Stupefy!" with such force that books dropped from shelves and the windows rattled. The older wizard fell to the floor and before Sirius knew it, he had been pushed to the hall and told to put his shoes on and wait with their coats at the gates.

It was freezing outside but luckily it wasn't long before Sirius saw a slender figure levitating their luggage towards them. As Remus got close Sirius saw that he had pulled on a woolen travel cloak on and pushed the hood to cover most of his face.

"Here", Remus croaked and shoved Sirius' wand to him.

"What's with the cloak?" Sirius asked. Remus flashed his golden eyes at him, and the weird fluttery feeling took over Sirius' heart again.

"Can't show my eyes or scars to anyone now can I? And I think sunglasses just draw more attention."

After that Sirius just watched quietly as Remus magicked the gates open and waved his wand in front of him. The Knight Bus was there in a bang and a young man stumbled out to greet them.

"You do the talking", Remus muttered before the man was close enough to hear.

"'Ello lads! What's the hurry?" the man, who was dressed in a fur coat and a brightly coloured knitted hat asked.

"Um", Sirius tried to think quickly. "My friend here is pretty sick. Nothing contagious though!" he quickly added when he saw the man flinch. "We need to get to, eh, um, the Leaky Cauldron."

"Shouldn't be a problem if you got the cash", the man said and Sirius swallowed.

He didn't have to try to smooth-talk them onto the bus though since Remus suddenly cleared his throat and pushed a bag of coins into his hand.

They got on the bus which was thankfully almost empty. It took three bangs and 20 minutes of awkward silence for them to reach Leaky Cauldron. When the bus disappeared with another bang Sirius felt a bit more like himself, although pretty anxious in the middle of mostly deserted, freezing cold streets, glad only in pajamas under his coat.

"Aren't we going in?" Remus asked, nodding his head towards the tavern.

"No, I've got somewhere else in mind. This was going to be a surprise for you guys, actually, but..." he let the sentence die. "Just follow me."

Another ten minutes was spent navigating their way through Muggle London in silence, carrying their luggage since they didn't dare levitate it. Finally they got to a grimy-looking alley that had one metal door near the end. Sirius performed a few spells and the door clicked open. It creaked open and revealed a staircase, and after climbing three floors up Sirius stopped at another door, a wooden one this time.

"This is it. Remember I haven't had time to decorate."

He magicked this door too, pushing it open nervously. He hadn't been to his flat since before school started, and he wasn't sure if he had left it habitable.

Remus closed the door behind them and slowly took of his robe. Sirius had almost forgotten that though the voice from under the hood was the same voice he'd known for almost seven years, the face was not. He was yet again captivated by the golden eyes, and he felt like he had brought a stranger to his new, secret flat, which made his body tingle in the same irregular rhythm as his heart.

He led them to the small living room that housed some boxes of stuff he had managed to save from Grimmauld Place and a mattress, not quite a double but wider then a regular one. Remus sat on the edge of it, and the springs creaked while Sirius lit some candles.

"I'm thinking of moving in after school ends. I payed for with the money uncle Alphard left, but I still got a handsome sum left", Sirius explained a bit nervously. The werewolf just nodded.

"Would you, um, like something to drink? I think I have some of Odgen's finest somewhere..."

"Yes please", came the timid answer.

Sirius turned and went to the kitchenette to retrieve an almost full bottle from the cupboard. He didn't bother with glasses, just unscrewed the cork and sat next to the odd looking boy he knew to be Remus. They exchanged the bottle for a while before Remus started to speak on his own accord.

"André is four years older then my mother. From what I've gathered, he began abusing her when she was very young. It continued for a long time."

Sirius took a big, burning gulp of the amber liquid and offered the bottle back to the werewolf, only daring quick sidelong glances at his friend. He looked oddly similar to what he had before, like a cousin or maybe even a half brother. The dark hair and the scars made his skin shine even paler then normal, the straight nose made his features elegant to the point of being almost girly. Remus' familiar voice snapped him out of his reverie.

"When she was 17 or 18 she became pregnant and ran away from home. She met John, and they he fell in love with her, and agreed to marry quickly."

Dark curls covered Remus' face when he hung his head lower, taking another sip from the bottle before handing it back to Sirius.

"I think deep down he always knew I wasn't his. I didn't look anything like him, and was born just a bit too early for it to be plausible." The werewolf sighed before continuing. "My maternal grandmother fell ill when I was around four, and she left for her old home. Somehow André managed to make her stay, and I didn't see her until I was bitten."

A shiver ran through both of them.

"My father had taken good care of me but was devastated that my mother had left us. Alcohol was his choice of escape, and one night he insulted Greyback at a bar. The next time I saw my mother was at St. Mungo's, where she came with André as soon as she got the message. With André and I in the same room even the bandages couldn't cover our similarities, and John ran away in disgust."

Remus drew a shuddering breath and took a large gulp of whiskey before continuing.

"André took my mother and me back to Yellow Manor. By this time their mother had died and it was just the three of us. He was trying to make us into some grotesque little family, had it in his head that the blood that ran through me was perfectly pure and that the werewolf bite somehow made me stronger. My mother was anguished because of her own mother and my condition and didn't see what was happening until it was flung at her face. When she found out what her brother had been doing, we fled and begged my dad to take us back."

There was a pause as they both drank some more. Sirius was starting to feel light-headed, both because the booze and with the story. Remus pulled something out of his pajama shirt's pocket, and Sirius saw it was one of the pieces of silvery chain Remus had frantically gathered from the floor. There was a small vial attached to it.

"When they found out Dumbledore was going to allow me into Hogwarts they had to think of something to hide my scars. They came up with this." He jingled the necklace. "It's kind of like polyjuice, but permanent. When they magicked my scars invisible they changed my appearance so that I had some of my John's features as well. It was easier for him to act like my real father after that..."

"How come I've never seen that necklace before?" Sirius blurted just to say something. He wanted to concentrate on anything but the images of André and a younger Remus.

"It's invisible as long as I wear it. It even modifies itself to my wolf form. Pomfrey just strengthens the illusions after every Full to cover the new scars."

"I thought those healed", Sirius muttered, feeling kind of stupid. The other boy gave him a sad half-smile.

"They're cursed wounds Sirius. They never fully heal. This is what I really look like, and you can clearly see I'm a monster."

Sirius was just about to object when a rapping sound from the nearby window made them both jump. Sirius got up and sneaked closer to the window, clutching his wand. He dropped his hands and sighed in relief when he saw it was just an annoyed looking owl pecking at the frosty glass.

"Just some mail", he muttered to Remus and let the bird in.

The grey bird swooped in, dropped a roll of parchment on the werewolf's lap and flew right back out of the window. Remus unrolled the letter with shaky hands.

"It's from Dumbledore", the pale boy muttered.

Sirius didn't even bother to question how their headmaster knew where they were. He sat down on the mattress and waited as Remus read on, watching as the amazing eyes started to shine with tears again, and the full lips turned down in a pained expression. It wasn't long before he dropped the parchment and stared hollowly into thin air, his voice barely above a whisper.

"Dad- John, I mean... doesn't want anything to do with me anymore. Dumbledore has made him agree to let me _loan _his features till the end of school, at least." A sob tore it's way from the werewolf. "At least I can keep the name, that I inherited from my mother."

Agonized eyes shone at Sirius, who stared back, feeling small and helpless as tears yet again ran from the gold, like resin from a cut tree.

"I have nothing left, Sirius" the boy, the half-stranger, whimpered.

Sirius felt his heart constrict painfully as he wrapped his arms around the shaking boy, kissing his hair instinctively.

"I don't have a father", the boy whispered fervently.

_I'll be your father... _a voice whispered in Sirius' head.

"And no mother. And soon I won't have you either."

_I'll be your mother... _The voice was more insistent this time.

Remus untangled himself from the black-haired boy, stood shakily and walked to the window, hugging himself. Sirius stood as well and walked towards him, pausing a foot away. He wasn't sure if his voice was audible above the thrumming of his heart.

"If you're thinking of school ending, we'll keep in touch -"

"That's not it", Remus interrupted.

He hugged his narrow frame tighter and sighed.

"I love you, Sirius. I'm in love with you. And now I have nothing."

_I'll be your lover_, the voice spoke before Sirius could stop it - there was no denying his own feelings anymore.

As the slighter boy turned to leave, Sirius wrapped his arms around him firmly. That seemed to both calm his heart and make it beat harder, although the animagus wasn't sure how that was possible. The werewolf shivered against him.

"That's not true, Remus", he spoke quietly, as if a louder sound could shatter them both - maybe it could. "I won't let you be alone, or empty handed. I'll be yours."

Remus raised his head to meet his eyes, those impossibly golden eyes wide.

"Wh-why?" he whispered. Sirius swallowed and wondered how he hadn't realized this simple truth before.

"Because", he murmured, voice husky. "without you I'm nothing."

The few inches he crossed to press his mouth to Remus' seemed like the boldest move he'd ever made. For a split second it seemed like Remus wasn't going to respond, but when he did melt against him it was heaven. They stayed like that, barely moving, their breaths mingling.

Hands shaking, Sirius raked his fingers through the dark brown curls and allowed a sliver of tongue touch the other boy's full lips. The tension and their shared breath made him feel intoxicated.

Remus' narrow fingers found the top button of Sirius' shirt and popped it open, sending shivers down the black-haired boy's spine and settle in his groin. Unsure hands started to roam and mouths molded together, but their movement towards the mattress was interrupted by the distinct sound of someone clearing their throat nearby.

Sirius jumped backwards so violently he tripped on the mattress and landed on it with a squeak more characteristic to Wormtail. Remus was clearly trying to stifle a bunch of giggles so the animagus wasn't too alarmed. He was however slightly mortified when he realized who had walked in on them mid-snog.

"I'm terribly sorry to interrupt", Dumbledore said and Sirius could've sworn the man was fighting to keep a smile from his wrinkled face. "I came to inform you that we've connected your fireplace to the floo network and we are expected to arrive at the Three Broomsticks any minute now. Mr. Lupin, do you have the necklace?"

Remus nodded and fished the pieces of the chain out of his pocket, then placed them on the old wizard's palm. The headmaster turned his back to them and started muttering under his breath, flicking his wand from time to time. After a minute or so he turned, dangling a repaired chain from his index finger.

"You're welcome", Dumbledore said after Remus had accepted the chain back with a muttered thank you.

Sirius watched nervously as the werewolf slipped the necklace back on. To his amazement, nothing changed.

"It's not working", the animagus gasped.

Remus raised his head, alarmed.

"Ah, but it is, Mr. Black. You see, the necklace only creates an illusion. You have seen beyond said illusion so you'd have to be confunded for it to work on you anymore."

"So he can see my scars and all the other things?" Remus whispered, looking like he was going to be sick.

Dumbledore simply nodded.

"Don't worry Moony, I don't care", Sirius assured his friend.

"I do", Remus whispered again, before taking a pinch of floo powder from the small box Dumbledore was holding out.

He walked to the narrow fireplace in the corner of the room and threw the powder in, sneaking a peak at Sirius before stepping into the emerald flames.


	3. Hollow Branches

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It had been a week since Remus had stepped into the green flames at Sirius' apartment, and their days were once again filled with classes, Quidditch, mealtimes and homework. The werewolf had been quiet and somber which everyone else thought was because of his mother's passing, but Sirius was sure it had more to do with what had happened between them. He had tried to get Remus to talk to him, but the other boy had avoided him masterfully until the other students had arrived, and now it was impossible to get Remus alone.

Sirius felt extremely annoyed. It wasn't even just that he hadn't been able to stop thinking about the other boy since their kiss - curse Dumbledore for interrupting! - but he couldn't even pretend that things were normal. Remus reminded him every time he saw the werewolf with his dark curls and those damned golden eyes.

"Padfoot? Did you hear what I just said?" James asked him, irritated.

"Huh?" Sirius replied, still looking at Remus, who was helping some 5th years with their Astrology assignments at a table nearby.

"Honestly, I don't get what's gotten into you lately", James continued. "You stare at Moony constantly."

"I DO NOT!" Sirius barked so loudly that most of the Common Room turned to look.

He saw the golden eyes glinting his way before turning back to the parchments spread on the table. The animagus sighed and finally faced James.

"I mean, I just. It was a weird experience, meeting his dad and seeing his mom dead. He was pretty shaken by that, I guess it just makes me see him differently?" he offered lamely.

James did not seem impressed.

"Honestly, Seer. That does not explain why you can't take your eyes of him, or why Moony's avoiding you like you jumped him or something."

Sirius made a choked noise and James' eyes widened behind his glasses.

"You didn't -!" he hissed but the other animagus shushed him.

"Not here!" he hissed and grabbed the other boy by the arm, dragging him towards the staircase that led to their dorm room.

When they got there he let go of James and sank to his bed. His friend cautiously sat next to him.

"Well, did you?" the messy-haired boy asked.

"Did I what?"

"Jump him! I mean, it's obvious something happened, and no offence, you're not known for your amazing timing or restraint..." James rambled.

"He started it..." Sirius muttered sourly.

"You're telling me _Remus_ jumped_ you?_" the smaller boy snorted, earning a glare from his friend.

"You're taking being awfully calm about all of this", the dog animagus said, eyes narrowed.

"Oh come on, we've had a wager going since last year on which of you confesses first", James chuckled.

"_A wager_? And who the heck is _we?!_" Sirius demanded, confused and a bit angry.

"Pete, Lily and the other 7th year girls, a prefect or two..." James listed, unconcerned. "So, Moony jumped you?"

Sirius stared at his friend for a moment before answering.

"No, but he told me he was in love with me, and then we kissed. No-one jumped anyone. We were both enjoying it before we got interrupted."

"His father walked in? Sirius, mate, his wife had just died!" the Seeker exclaimed.

"No, we weren't at his house", the taller boy sighed. "We were at my place. Yes, I got a place. And Dumbledore just appeared when we were about to get it on."

James gaped at him, disbelieving. Sirius stared back, challenging. They were quiet for quiet a while before James spoke again.

"So you were caught, big deal. If you both wanted it, why aren't you at it now? Is he having second thoughts?"

Sirius turned to stare at the wall infront of him, sighing and clasping his hands between his knees.

"I wish I could tell you everything..." he said quietly and looked distressed.

James laid his hand on the taller boy's shoulder.

"Hey, what are you on about? We always tell each other everything."

"It's not my secret to tell", Sirius said, though he wanted nothing more than to tell his best friend the whole story.

He swallowed back tears of frustration and sighed once more before standing, walking to the door and waiting James to follow before descending down to the common room.

When he entered, he could practically the feel golden eyes on him self, and sure enough, Remus was staring at them, looking worried, clearly wondering what Sirius had told James. Before Sirius could smile at him reassuringly the amber eyes turned away, back to the student he was helping.

Sirius' chest hurt and he told James he was going for a walk, refusing when the other boy offered to come with him. The smaller boy's gaze followed him until he disappeared behind the portrait hole and then turned to Remus, whose hazel eyes turned quickly away when they caught him looking.

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It had been two weeks since the Sirius and James had talked, and things had gotten worse. Now Remus was avoiding all the other Marauders, barely speaking even to Peter who was clearly hurt since he had no idea what was going on. Remus never stayed anywhere where they could confront him, even taking the Map and disappearing for nights to sleep who knows where. So when the three animagi entered their dorm on the night of the Full Moon they where surprised to see him sitting on his bed, hands clasped in his lap and sandy hair framing his face.

They froze for a moment before the werewolf spoke.

"I don't you to come tonight", he spoke softly, shocking them all.

"Of course we're coming!" James exclaimed and sat on Peter's bed, which was opposite to Remus'.

"No", the other boy answered simply.

"Is this about me, Remus?" Sirius suddenly spoke, his voice thick with emotion.

"It has nothing to do with you", the werewolf answered shakily.

Something snapped in Sirius and he basically threw himself on Remus, grabbing his shoulders and shaking him violently.

"Don't you fucking lie to me!" he shouted. "It's me, isn't it!"

"Sirius what the Hell!" Peter yelled and was about to interfere when Remus turned the tables, throwing both of them to the floor and snarling at the black-haired animagus, his face inches away from Sirius'.

"Everything is _not_ about you, you pompous little prat! You are not coming tonight, you are going to leave me alone and _stop staring at me all the time_!"

Everyone froze, the only sound was the labored breathing of the two boys on the floor. Remus didn't let go of Sirius, but stared at him with tears in his eyes, shaking. Sirius' voice was soft when he broke the silence.

"Just show them. They'll understand, just show them."

A tear dropped from Remus' eye and landed on the black haired boy's cheek. Sirius' heart constricted looking at the golden eyes this close, the soft, dark curls falling around the pale face.

After a tense moment the werewolf just pushed himself off the floor, wiped his face and turned to James and Peter who stared, shocked speechless.

"Don't come tonight. Please."

"Whatever you say Moony", James answered.

Remus thanked him quietly and left the room.

Sirius pulled himself up to the nearest bed and buried his head in his hands. Suddenly he punched the nearest bedpost, splitting the skin on his knuckle.

"Fuck!" he screamed, feeling utterly useless and exhausted.

James sat down next to him, not daring to wrap an arm around him, in stead just hoping his presence was enough to calm the other animagus. Peter sat opposite to them, his face grim and mind confused.

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Hours later Sirius was on his bed, staring at the Marauders' Map. He was concentrating on the dot marked _Remus Lupin_ which was heading to the Whomping Willow with the dot of _Madam Pomfrey_. Soon the _Remus_ -dot disappeared over the edge of the Map. Sirius sighed and muttered "Mischief Managed", making the inklines vanish.

"He's going to get hurt", Peter muttered from where he was sitting on the window ledge. James twisted his arms and nodded. They were all feeling horrible. They all remembered what it had been like before they had accompanied their friend during the transformations.

"I don't care what he said", James said. "We're going. He can be mad afterwards."

"I agree", said Peter, jumping from the ledge and starting to pull his shoes on.

"Sirius?" James asked when there was no reaction from the other black-haired boy.

Sirius took a deep breath and looked at his best friend, shrugging his shoulders.

"He told us not to come", he muttered.

"And we know he's going to rip himself to shreds if we don't, so we're doing what's best for him. Come on, hurry up, the moon will rise soon."

Finally Sirius reached for his boots and started pulling them on, and when they'd thrown the Invisibility cloak over them (which was hard since Sirius had grown a lot in the last year) they headed out and hurried towards the Willow, not caring if their ankles showed since it was dark.

Peter transformed and scampered to the knot and as soon as the tree froze James and Sirius were at the hole and entering the tunnel, being careful not to step on the rat that jumped midst their feet as they made their way to the Shack as quickly possible.

Finally they pushed the hatch open and climbed to the living room, with minutes to spare before moonrise. The animagi stashed the Invisibility Cloak and climbed the stairs to the usual room where Remus transformed. They banged the door open and almost fell inside, gasping for air.

When they saw Remus, they froze.

The werewolf stared at them in shock. He was standing on a chair with a noose around his neck, hands tied behind his back. Sirius stared at his naked body, seeing it for what it really was for the first time - it was luminous, it was beautiful.

His musings were interrupted when Remus convulsed painfully and let out a high scream which was cut of by the noose tightening as the chair wobbled and finally fell over, leaving the transforming werewolf to hang and twist grotesquely.

"Sirius, snap out of it and HELP!" James yelled and went to lift their friends contorting body. "Cut the rope!"

The taller animagus panicked and before he knew it, Peter was slicing the rope with his wand. The body fell to the floor with a thump. Sirius hurried to undo the bindings on Remus' arms, but James screamed that there was no time as the werewolf started to sprout hair and wail pitifully, bones cracking.

"Transform! You can bite them off!"

Then there was a stag and a rat, and Sirius felt the magic ripple through his body as he changed. He quickly bit through the ropes before the transformation forced Moony's paws to the front of his body. He then went to bite at the noose that had thankfully loosened but was still around the wolf's neck, but Moony growled at him and bared his teeth.

Padfoot covered on the floor and whimpered, but Moony just stood up and started to sniff through the room with vigor. Deep inside Padfoot's dogmind Sirius realized that the wolf was smelling the humans that they had only a moment ago been.

After what seemed like ages and a lot of not-so-gentle sniffing of all of them - Wormtail seemed to shake like a leaf - Moony seemed to settle. Padfoot was happy to have his friend back, and the Sirius -part of his mind was relieved to see Remus in a form that was familiar to him, though the wolf's eyes were the same colour as the new Remus'.

The night went pretty calmly, though they refused Moony's attempts to leave the Shack. It was somehow clear that none of them wanted to do anything of the sort after the horrifying start to the night. After Moony got over the fact there would be no romping in the forest that night, he settled next to Padfoot, lazily licking the dog's muzzle and biting his ears affectionately.

Prongs settled in the corner of the room, Wormtail in his antlers, and they all dozed off until Moony woke up and started pacing around the room when sunrise neared. Soon they had to witness their friends agony once again, as the wolf's howls got more and more human, and the fur dissappread, exposing the skin and showing how the bones cracked and reshaped themselves.

Finally there was an exhausted Remus Lupin on the floor with red marks and a loose noose around his neck. The animagi changed to their human forms.

"Get out", the werewolf croaked before anyone else could say anything.

"Peter, go get the Cloak. We're waiting here till Pomfrey comes so he doesn't do anything stupid", Sirius said firmly.

Remus peered at him with his amber eyes from behind wisps of dark brown hair but didn't say anything.

James helped Remus to the half destroyed bed in the corner of the room before Peter got back and they all hid under the cloak. Remus pulled the noose from around his neck and threw it under the bed. About five minutes later they heard Pomfrey enter the Shack and climb the stairs. The woman paused when she entered, looking at the length of rope that hung from a beam.

"What's that?" she asked.

"I made chew toy", Remus told her, voice dull.

The nurse raised her eyebrows but didn't enquire anymore and instead started checking the boy's injuries. Again, Sirius couldn't help but stare, think how it would feel to touch Remus like that, only with pleasure in mind, not injuries...

"That's odd... You seem to just have some chafing around your neck", Pomfrey said after checking everything.

"I have no idea how that happened", Remus said and bit the inside of his lip.

"Of course you don't, dear", the Madame said and smiled kindly. "Now, let's get you some clothes and you can go back to your dorm straight away."

"Okay", Remus smiled weakly and started to pull on the trousers he was handed. It was obvious to the other Marauders, standing quietly in the corner, that the werewolf wanted to go anywhere but the dorm where they could get to him.


	4. Fragile Branches

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Remus sat on his bed, staring at the floor. Sirius was beside him, but not too close, and James and Peter were on the latter one's bed. The animagi were peering at their werewolf friend, not daring to speak and trying to give him room to talk when he was ready.

"I'm just so tired of hiding", Remus finally spoke in a small, broken voice. Sirius lifted his hand as if to put it on the honey-haired boy's shoulder, but paused his movement halfway.

"Hiding what, Moony? Surely you're not talking about being a werewolf, we've been over that", James asked softly.

The werewolf glanced at him, eyes pained.

"Remus, just tell them, they'll understand. You've done nothing wrong", Sirius told his friend and finally dared to touch him softly on the arm.

James and Peter looked at the other animagus, confused, but didn't say anything. Remus looked at Sirius for a while, his lips a thin line and eyes huge and filled with emotion. Slowly he turned back to stare at the floor, opening and closing his trembling lips a couple time before speaking.

"My father... the man I've told you is my father is not my father."

"Okay..." Peter said, question apparent in his voice. "Who is, then?"

There was a pause as Remus looked hopelessly from face to face. He made a strangled noise in the back of his throat.

"My. My uncle."

It was like someone had pushed a pause button. Icy silence replaced the air in their lungs.

"Please tell me your father has a brother", James begged though he already knew the answer from the werewolf's miserable expression.

Remus shook his head and gasped as if in pain.

"N-no, he doesn't. My mother... I'm the result of a sick and perverted man's actions", Remus forced through his gritted teeth, balling his fists. The dog animagus tightened his grip on the slim arm.

"But..." James pursed his lips for a moment before continuing, trying to swallow the bile that was rising in his throat. "I've seen pictures of your parents. You look a lot like your father. That's not your uncle in the pictures, is it?"

Trust James to figure out the problem in the story so quickly. Remus glanced at Sirius, biting the inside of his lower lip, almost drawing blood. The black-haired boy simply nodded. James and a ill-looking Peter exchanged wary looks.

"I don't..." Remus started but paused, screwing his eyes shut before taking a deep breath through his nose and continuing. "This isn't what I really look like."

Before anyone got a chance to comment, the werewolf had slipped his hand under his shirt and bowed his head to slip something invisible over it.

James and Peter gawked. The silver chain glinted and so did the yellow eyes. Dark waves of hair, pearly, crisscrossing scars and delicate features rendered James and Peter speechless. Remus looked incredibly self-conscious, his golden gaze darting around the room nervously.

"This is why we've been so difficult!" Sirius suddenly exclaimed, like he had been holding it in for far too long. "This is how I've been seeing him since we were at his parents' place! No-one else knew, no-one saw it! And I knew about his uncle, and how he used to abuse Remus when he was a child, and -!"

"Sirius!" Remus shrieked, his face turning even whiter if possible as he twisted sharply to his friend.

The darker boy swallowed hard when he realized what he'd let out of his mouth. There was a pregnant pause, filled only with labored breathing, before Remus, this new, strange Remus slipped the necklace back on and ran from the room, banging the door has he went.

"What the _fuck_ just happened?" James stated, clearly not expecting an answer.

"I'm going to be sick", Peter mumbled and hurried to the bathroom, and the sound of retching followed soon.

"He was, abused, as in...?" James asked quietly.

Sirius looked at his friend, ashamed.

"Yeah", he sighed. "He'll never forgive me, right? I wouldn't forgive me if I was him."

"I might not forgive you either", James said evenly. "but this is still Moony we're talking about. A hurt, confused, scared Moony, but still our Moony. He always forgives."

Sirius nodded, hoping that his best friend was right. His heart ached, physically hurt, and he went to lay down on his own bed. He closed the curtains, muttered a silencing spell and screamed into his pillow for what seemed like ages.

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Remus didn't come to sleep in the dorm anymore. First he had slept on a sofa in the Common Room, but when James had tried to talk to him a couple of times they hadn't been able to find him, not even on the Map. He didn't eat with them either, in fact he didn't come to the Great Hall during mealtimes at all and he changed his seat in classes so he wasn't close to them.

Remus avoided them completely, but that wasn't all - he stopped answering in class, just stared at his desk, and he seemed to lose weight, which looked shocking considering he was slim to the point of being skinny to begin with. He's real appearance was something they all were mesmerized by, but people seemed to think they stared because they were worried of their one-time friend. There were a lot of rumors flying, and Sirius heard that the most popular one was that Remus had fallen in love with Lily Evans and had a huge row over it with James.

This particular rumor was made more believable by Lily herself, who was the one person who still tried to talk to Remus.

"Really, Lil, I'll just grab something from the Kitchens. I don't want to come to the Great Hall", Remus told the redhead when she once again pestered him after one of their classes.

A cruel voice spoke close to him when he stopped to shove his notes into his worn bag.

"So they finally figured you out for what you are. You're just a dirty monster, aren't you, Lupin", Severus Snape hissed. "Not worthy of their company."

"I'm the one who decided to leave", Remus muttered, incredibly tired - he was in no mood to listen to Severus' insults.

"You should be careful Lily, or his _dirty blood_ will rub on you and -"

"His blood is no dirtier than mine", Lily spat at her former friend.

"Oh, if you only knew..." Severus hummed.

Remus was about to raise his wand, not caring about the consequences, but froze when Lily spoke.

"I know what he is. I don't care. Now sod off", she growled, grabbed Remus and left the stunned Slytherin to stare after them.

When they were alone in a hallway Remus pulled Lily into an empty classroom. The girl sat on a desk and looked at the pale boy expectantly. The werewolf felt dizzy with confusion, and his low blood sugar didn't help.

"You, you know?" Remus finally asked. "Did James tell you?"

"No, but I'm not an idiot, Rem", Lily sighed and smiled sadly. "I just wish you would've told me. We used to be such good friends."

"I swore not to tell anyone when I came here. The boys figured it out by themselves too", Remus said.

He was so tired that he felt like he was going to cry from sheer exhaustion. He slowly leaned on the teacher's desk, closing his eyes for a moment.

"Was it true when you said you were the one who left?"

Remus nodded.

"There must be a reason... What did they do?"

"Nothing", the young werewolf said when he couldn't think of a better lie.

Though Lily saw right through it, she decided to use it to her advantage. She leaned closer to the werewolf and spoke in a low, soft voice.

"If they did nothing, why don't you go back to them? Let's go and eat with them, hm?" she coaxed.

Remus bit his lip, trying to fight it, but finally crumbled under the emerald gaze. He sighed and opened his mouth to speak.

"On one condition", he said. "You go out with James."

The redhead laughed and complied, jumped off the table and pulled the reluctant werewolf through the maze of corridors towards the Great Hall.

Dinner was almost over, but they quickly spotted three familiar heads. They walked up to them and Lily cleared her throat. The three boys lifted their heads from a muttered conversation and looked up, surprised.

"Potter, would you like to take me to Hogsmeade two weeks from now?" she asked but kept curiously glancing at the pale boy beside her.

James' mouth fell open and stayed like that until Sirius gently closed it.

"He'd love to", the long haired boy said with a charming smile that faltered when his eyes landed on Remus.

The werewolf was looking anywhere but at the boys who had their eyes fixed on him.

"Remus, sit", Lily ordered and the boy did as he was told, sitting next to Sirius, opposite Peter.

Lily sat on his other side and started to pile Shepherd's pie onto a plate, which she then placed in front of the werewolf.

"I'm really not hungry", he objected weakly.

"Remus, I can see your bones and you look like you're about to faint. Eat for Godrick's sake."

James, Peter and Sirius stared in awe as Lily persuaded Remus to finish the huge plateful. After he'd eaten the main course the redhead practically force-fed him pudding, which ended up with Remus dodging the spoon and the dessert all over Sirius' robes. At first the black-haired boy was annoyed, but when he saw Remus double over in silent giddiness his frown melted into a smile.

_It will get better_, he thought. _It's already getting better._

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That night Remus entered the dorm hesitantly. He sat on his bed, all awkward and jumpy. The other boys felt the tension mount as the last time they were in here came to mind. They stared at the modified version of the boy they had known for almost seven years.

"Are you okay with me being here?" Remus asked timidly from behind his dark curls.

"Of course we are", James answered him before anyone else could. "You belong here."

The werewolf smiled and his amber-gold eyes glimmered with hope. Sirius had never seen anything more beautiful and he swallowed, trying not to wonder if he had lost it forever.

They went through their usual evening routines and bid each other good night. James and Peter were asleep and snoring in no time, but Sirius, who usually had no trouble falling asleep lay in bed awake. After what he assumed was about half an hour of patient waiting for the Sandman, he heard a small whimper coming from the direction or Remus' bed. When a pained gasp followed he slipped through the curtains and tiptoed to the other boy's four-poster. Gently he pushed aside the velvet fabric and slipped inside to sit on the edge of the mattress, hesitantly laying his hand on the huddle figure laying beside him.

Remus sniffled and became still. Neither said anything for a while, or moved.

"Do you want me to leave?" Sirius whispered.

"No", Remus said in a thick voice.

Sirius lay down on the bed, trying to be careful not to make the other boy uncomfortable. Remus turned so he was facing Sirius and hid his face against the other boy's shoulder.

"What were you crying about?"

"Nothing in particular. Everything. I'm just so tired", Remus muttered into the fabric of Sirius' t-shirt. Dark curls tickled Sirius' neck and he felt a pleasant shiver run through his body.

They stayed like that for a while until the animagus turned his head. He jumped a bit when he saw the golden eyes gleam at him.

"Can I kiss you?" he whispered, his shaky voice betraying how nervous he was. Remus simply nodded and they leaned towards each other slowly, until their mouths met tentatively.

Their breaths mingled and Sirius felt dizzy. It took a while till he dared to part his lips and gently lick at Remus' mouth that tasted faintly of salty tears. Pressure was building quickly and he turned himself completely to Remus, gently pushing his body flush against the werewolf's bony frame.

Remus froze when Sirius' groin rubbed against him. He made a panicked sound against the other boy's mouth and withdrew quickly, pressing against the wall behind him.

"I'm sorry", Sirius panted. "I didn't mean to..."

"It's okay", the pale boy interrupted. "I'm just not ready for that. Any of that."

"I'll wait for you", Sirius said in earnest.

"I don't know when I'll be able to... if I'll be able to..."

"I'll wait for you", the black-haired boy repeated, gently stroking the wavy hair before climbing out of the bed, half hoping to be asked to stay.

When he got to his own bed he refrained from touching himself, thinking that if it wasn't Moony, it wasn't forth it, at least not tonight.

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	5. Rotten Branches

A/N: There's going to be some some angst and adult themes here, also some violence.

I wasn't sure if I'd deviate from Rowling's idea that silver isn't poisonous to werewolves, but well, now I did. To be clear, I don't think Remus' necklace is silver, but some magical substance.

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Weeks passed and nothing further happened between Sirius and Remus. When the animagus dared to touch the werewolf, the latter pulled away, looking sad and anxious. Watching Remus, who was looking more healthy and - at least in Sirius' eyes - growing more beautiful every day, the black-haired boy realized he felt not only lust but also true love for the other boy.

It didn't take long before Sirius, a healthy teenage boy, buckled under the pressure of his hormones, and since he was determined not to break his promise of waiting for Remus he found himself with his hand in his pants almost every evening and still having wet dreams during the nights. His fantasies were different from what they used to be - groping and fucking were replaced by kissing and roaming hands, and there wasn't really a lot of sex at all.

This night wasn't different from the others. Sirius dreamed of smooth skin and soft angles, glittering scars and curly hair. Tongues rolled together and hands touched everywhere. Half-awake the animagus slid his hand down to his crotch, but it was pushed away. His pajama bottoms were pulled down a bit, freeing his erection, and a hot, wet mouth took him in. He gasped but pushed away his confusion, deciding to enjoy this new, more aggressive direction the dream had taken.

Delicious suction drew him so deep that the lips around his cock almost touched the coarse curls at the base. A warm tongue danced tantalizingly across the underside as the mouth moved up and down. It didn't take long for Sirius to feel the insistent pull of his orgasm pushing him under the surface, stealing his breath and consciousness for a second as white light blinded him. A vaguely familiar shape lay down beside him, but the angles were too sharp, the scars too prominent, not like they usually were in his dreams.

"I'm a good boy now, right?" a broken whisper startled Sirius.

The animagus blinked and tried to catch his breath. He stared at the canopy of his bed, the air felt cold on his exposed groin. Shivering, he turned his head to the form beside him, not wanting to see the golden eyes that he knew to be as broken as the whisper. Remus blinked at him in the shadows, his lips shining and wet.

"Sirius? Please tell me, tell me that I'm a good boy..."

The other boy felt like he was gonna retch. The ecstasy of his orgasm was completely gone, replaced by sorrow and coldness. He didn't know what to say, so he just pulled the brunette to himself and held him tight. Remus started to cry softly.

"Please... please tell me... I want be a good boy again..." he managed between sobs.

Tears fell from Sirius' eyes, but he remained quiet. He wanted so badly to help Remus, but he didn't know how. So he held the the werewolf, held him tight until the crying subsided, and he was left holding a sleeping, clinging shell of a boy. Gently, he pulled the covers over them and tugged his pajama bottoms up.

He stayed like that until he heard Peter and James starting their morning rituals, not daring to fall asleep. He didn't hear James tip-toe to his bed, so when his messy-haired friend yanked the curtains open and started to bellow

"RISE AND SHI- !"

but stopping when he saw them curled around each other, he literally jumped. So did Remus, who fell from the bed and recovered amazingly quickly, half crawling, half leaping to his own bed and diving behind the curtains.

"I- I'm sorry, Siri, I-I didn't know you were, you hadn't told me that you two were -" James stuttered, his eyes wide, clearly making assumptions.

"We aren't. I mean, we just slept, and this was the first time. Not sure if it's gonna happen again", Sirius replied curtly, making sure Remus heard he wasn't telling any details.

He didn't want the werewolf thinking he would brag or embarrass him otherwise.

"Okay. We'll wait for you two in the Common Room, breakfast must be almost over", James said, nodding an awful lot.

"Actually", Sirius said with a dramatic yawn. "I think I'm gonna sleep for a while and then get something from the Kitchens. You with me, Rem?"

There was a mumbled '_yeah_' from behind the curtains. James smiled a bit awkwardly and exited with a wide-eyed Peter, telling them he'd be at Quidditch practice later if they were interested.

Sirius sat still for a while, just staring at the stone floor. He wanted to lay back down, turn his back on the world and sleep the pain and confusion away, but he knew he'd have to face the situation eventually. Finally the black-haired boy stood and walked over to Remus' bed.

"Rem?" he asked hesitantly, as if he didn't know the other boy was behind the curtains. "I'm going to open the curtains, okay?"

When there was no answer, he pushed the fabric aside.

The werewolf sat, propped against the headboard, with his knees drawn up and face pressed against them. He only reacted when Sirius sat down next to him. Slowly, the curly-haired boy lifted his head and glanced at the other boy, his eyes deep with sadness. The pale lips trembled when he open his mouth to speak.

"I'm sorry -" he managed before he had to swallow back tears.

One escaped anyway, and Sirius wiped it away, feeling the boy shiver under his touch.

"You have nothing to be sorry about. I'm sorry I didn't stop you."

"Didn't you want me to do that? Don't you want me?" Remus hiccuped.

"Not like that", Sirius said softly and stroked the side of the werewolf's face.

Remus' breath halted for a bit but he pushed against the caressing hand. For a while they were quiet, until Sirius spoke again.

"Why did you do that?" he asked.

Remus turned his face back to his knees.

"I've been having a nightmare. About my uncle."

He shuddered, and so did Sirius.

"He keeps telling me I should do as I'm told, and be a good boy like I used to be. Don't you want to please people, he asks. He tells me I'm being bad because I don't show myself to everyone, and because I deny people of... of pleasure. So I though that maybe, if I give you the pleasure you want, he'd go away."

Remus' voice had become dull nearing the end of his confession. He hugged his knees loosely and stared into nothingness. Sirius felt awful remembering how he'd pushed himself against Remus that one time, and how he'd fantasized about him and touched himself thinking about him. In a weird way it felt like it had been _him_ telling Remus to be a good boy, though he knew he was punishing himself too harshly.

"Maybe you should... talk to someone? I want to help you, but I don't know how anymore", Sirius said.

Remus sniffled and looked lost for a moment.

"Who should I talk to?"

"Well, I guess Dumbledore's too busy, but... doesn't Pomfrey know something about this already? Maybe she could help", Sirius offered. "And if you have nightmares, we could try sleeping together? You didn't have nightmares last night after you... after you fell asleep again, right?"

"No, I didn't..." the werewolf said softly. "Maybe we could try that."

He smiled weakly but Sirius felt his heart swell a little.

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After their conversation Sirius and Remus had gone down to the Kitchens to get something to eat ("I'm not hungry", Remus had still whined.) and then headed to the Quidditch field to watch James fly. Lily had already been there with Peter and they had a great time laughing and trying to disturb James with heckles.

At lunch Remus sniffled constantly since his nose was running after the cold air, and him trying to drink tea with a handkerchief in between the cup and himself sent the others in to fits of snickers. The curly-haired boy tried to act as if he was mortally wounded by this, but an insistent smile tugging at the corners of his mouth gave him away.

The afternoon was spent in the library to Remus' joy and the others dismay - though Sirius secretly enjoyed watching Remus chew his quills so much he didn't really mind. Peter and James threw paper balls at Remus who simply waved his hand to block them and made the other boys shake their heads in amazement, since the werewolf was the only person they'd actually _seen_ use wandless magic. Sirius pretended to read a book but kept glancing at the amber-eyed boy so often he had no idea what the page in front of him read. The other two animagi snuck to a nearby table to make some 3rd year Hufflepuff girls giggle, but Sirius continued his book reading pretense.

"You can go with them, you know", Remus muttered around the quill that was hanging from the corner of his mouth as he leafed through an ancient tomb. "I don't mind. It's actually a bit weird having you stare at me, I've written your name in my Ancient Runes assignment twice already."

"I- I haven't been staring at you", Sirius stuttered as Remus smiled at him crookedly.

"Tell you what", the werewolf whispered, leaning in. "I'll give you peck on the lips if you leave me alone to do my homework."

The black-haired boy turned in his chair so violently he managed to knock it over with a loud clatter. The librarian screamed at him to get out, and he did, but not before grabbing his bag and pressing quick but heated kiss on Remus' soft, slightly chapped lips.

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Finally, after dinner and a few lazy hours in the Common Room, evening came. The Marauders changed into their pajamas, brushed their teeth and went to bed. Sirius lay awake in his bed, trying not to go down the usual path of images and fantasies in his head that lead to him having his hand down his pants, since he knew what was coming. The real thing. Remus in his bed. Not that they would be doing anything, but it would still be better than his dreams about sex.

After what seemed like ages of Peter and James snoring, he sensed more than heard soft footsteps crossing the floor. A slim shadow with glinting eyes slipped through the curtains and gingerly lay down on the bed. Sirius pushed himself closer to the cold stone wall, partly to give Remus space, and partly to calm himself with the icy sensation. They lay still for a long while.

"I can smell you", Remus spoke suddenly.

His voice was a strangled whisper.

"Should I go take a shower or something?" Sirius asked dumbly.

"I can smell your arousal. I can smell what you _think_", the werewolf whimpered.

He turned his back to Sirius and dropped his feet over the edge of the bed.

"I can't stay, this won't work. I'm sorry."

He stood up and walked out of the dorm, closing the door after him gently. The other boy pressed himself harder against the cold stone, wanting to punish his impure body and thoughts for chasing Remus away. He swallowed hard, tired of crying. He was suddenly very scared that they would never get through this phase.

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Remus walked through the hallways. The icy floor numbed his feet but he didn't care - he was numb all over to begin with. Every cell in his body screamed he should go back to Sirius, to give in to the other boy and his wants. _To be a good boy_, he thought and felt sick. He turned a corner and was suddenly grabbed and pushed against the wall so hard his lungs emptied painfully.

"What have we here? A little spy maybe?" a mockingly soft voice asked.

He was pulled from the wall and thrown against it again. This time his head cracked against the stone and sparks flew behind his eyelids. He felt a growl rising in his throat.

"Oh? What's that? Are _you_ the little wolf that's roaming the Hallways?"

Remus froze. His heart skipped a beat and then started racing. Did someone know? Had someone told them, or figured it out?

"He's not the wolf, Brandius", came a lazy drawl nearby. "Why don't you just leave him alone, we'll be late for the meeting?"

"How do you know he's not the wolf Master's been talking about?" the first voice asked.

"I happen to know who the wolf is", came the second voice.

"I don't believe you, Severus. I think I'll cut him just to make sure."

The werewolf started to panic. If he was cut, the wound would seal almost immediately due to his lycanthropy, everyone who had taken 6th year DADA knew that. He was about to get exposed. It was all over.

"Just leave him be, okay?"

"What's it to you, Snape?"

"I don't want us to get caught because you decided to cut some random Gryffindor up", Snape sneered.

Remus blinked, confused. Was the Slytherin helping him?

"Is he your boyfriend or something? Your little fucktoy?" the first boy, who Remus now thought he recognized as a fellow 7th year, taunted.

"Fine, I'll cut him myself", Snape spat, grabbed Remus' arm and pulled a knife from inside his robe. The werewolf panicked, but was petrified with fear. He was going to be exposed, he wasn't going to graduate, never get a job -

Then the blade hit him. Even before it sliced his skin it was agony.

_Silver, _Remus thought,_ it's fucking silver._

He hissed and tried to pull his arm away but Snape tightened his grip and cut his arm open. Immediately he felt the poison run through his veins, and his knees buckled.

"What's wrong with him?" the boy called Brandius asked.

"I guess he get's queasy from the sight of blood. Get to the meeting and tell them I'm late because I'm picking up after your mistakes. Go, _now_!" the black-haired Slytherin barked and the larger boy left.

"Now, let's get you to the Hospital Wing" Snape said tersely.

He muttered '_levicorpus_' and they were off, dripping blood as they went. When they got near the Hospital the Slytherin guided them to a nearby class room instead.

"Now", he said. "We're going to have a little chat."

He let the nearly passed out werewolf slump down the wall and sat across from him, rolling up his left sleeve.

"Do you know what this is?" he asked as he showed the black tattoo.

Remus just groaned and turned his head.

"This is going to be a tiresome", Snape said in a long-suffering voice.

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_Do you know what this is... do you have one? Let me see... no, you don't, good... Have they asked you yet? Has anyone asked you to come to our side? They are coming for you, believe me, they are. You're one of their prime targets. Greyback has told great things about you to the Master, and he is gagging to get you to join us. But you're not on our side, are you? You're on the side of Light. You're on Lily's side... Please, I beg you. I know you're talented, you're capable, even if I don't want to admit it. Look after her. Protect her. I don't know if it was all bull when people whispered you were in love with her, but please, keep her safe. I can't. I missed my change..._

Remus screwed his eyes shut as nausea washed over him. He felt horrible. Flashes came back to him. _Black skull, slithering snake... _He tried to push them away. He swallowed bile that rose to his throat but felt he couldn't keep it in anymore. Finally Remus opened his eyes, saw the familiar mint green curtains of the hospital wing. He yanked them aside and violently threw up on the floor. He heaved and slumped against the railing of the bed.

"Er, I see you're awake..."

The werewolf raised his head to see Sirius and Peter sitting nearby and James lying on the floor with a textbook. The first two were halfheartedly trying to stifle snickers and the latter one was wiping off vomit from his face.

"Hey at least most of it hit your back and ...hair" Sirius offered and snorted with badly masked giddiness at the last part.

"Don't make me laugh, I might throw up again", Remus whimpered weakly. "I'm sorry Jim, I really had no idea you were there."

"Id's okay", James said, trying to speak without breathing through his nose. "But could sobeode cast a cleadig spell?"

At that moment the Head Nurse walked through the door to the small private room and halted.

"Oh my goodness!" she shrieked. "How long have you been awake?!"

"Just long enough to vomit on James", Peter sniggered from his seat. The nurse turned her head to floor where the black-haired boy was lying, cringed and quickly vanished the sick.

"I still smell like vomit", James muttered as he got up. "I think I'll head for the showers."

"I'll come with you", Peter said and pushed himself from the chair.

"Pete, things like that make people think that _all_ the Marauders are shirt lifters", James said.

"Hey, I resent that!" Sirius yelped.

"Now, gentlemen, quiet down, Mr. Lupin needs rest", the nurse scolded them. "Off you go, I have to do a check up and you've been here for too long anyway."

"I'll wait in the Hallway", Sirius announced. "Remus just woke up, I don't want him to be alone."

To everyone's surprise the Nurse didn't object, only smiled gently as she pushed the other Marauders out and started working on Remus.

"Those are some friends you have", she pondered aloud.

"Yeah", Remus said weakly as she took his blood pressure. "They're the best."


	6. New Branches

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"I can't believe school's over", Peter sighed, peeling off the label of his beer bottle.

He was sitting on Sirius' brand new scarlet sofa with Remus, who grunted in agreement but didn't say anything. Sirius and James, who sat on the wide mattress, gave similar sounds. It took a while before anyone talked again.

"Rem, what's bugging you? You barely talk these days and you seem like you've given up", James finally asked.

The werewolf stared at the ceiling for a moment before turning to his friend and answering.

"I'm just still in low spirits because of the grades I got. I could've done better."

"Yeah, but who knew someone would randomly stab you with silver and that you'd be unconscious for four weeks? Really, you can't blame yourself", Peter piped in.

"I know, but I'm really having a hard time finding a job at the moment", Remus said quietly.

"Your grades weren't that bad, surely you've found something", Sirius laughed a little and got a sharp look from the the pale boy.

"If you haven't noticed, most places do a back-up check. Those who bother to ask around a little find out what I am and _somehow_ come to the decision that I'm not what they're looking for. So far I've gotten one offer, and I'm really not keen on it", Remus spoke with stifled anger apparent in his voice.

"You'll find something, I'm sure of it", James said and smiled broadly, but it didn't reach his eyes."Hey, what are you guys doing next weekend? Lily is dying to have us all together at our new place."

"I'll be visiting my parents", Peter said and ripped off the label all together.

"I'll be there", Sirius smiled and smacked James on the arm, making the messy haired-boy's beer slosh in the bottle.

"Me too. Who wants another beer?" Remus asked and he headed for the kitchen.

"Actually, I think I have to get home to my woman", James said and waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

Sirius and Peter groaned.

"I'm heading home too", Peter said.

He got up and put his empty bottle to join the others on the coffee table that doubled as Sirius' nightstand. The black-haired boy looked a bit sullen at his friends' sudden departure, but pushed himself to his feet to see them to the door.

"Bye, Remus! See you next weekend!" James bellowed far too loudly when he had shrugged his coat on - now that he was standing it was obvious he had had a couple of beers too many.

"I'll see him home", Peter laughed and grabbed the messy-haired boy by the arm, walking him out the door to get to the alley where they could disapparate.

Sirius shut the door behind them, took a deep breath and headed back to the living room.

Remus had appeared back on the sofa and was holding two glasses of amber liquid that had the same hue as his eyes. Suddenly Sirius felt nervous, but made himself walk over and sit next to his friend.

"I took the liberty to pour us some of the whiskey James brought. I hope you don't mind", Remus muttered and downed his drink with one gulp.

Sirius followed suit, and immediately poured them some more from the bottle that Remus had left on the table. Silence followed as they sipped more sensibly.

"Sirius", Remus said suddenly.

"Yeah?" the black-haired boy mumbled and suddenly realized he was pretty darn drunk.

"Would you mind terribly if I stored some stuff here for a while? I understand if, if it's not okay", the werewolf asked gingerly and stared at Sirius intently.

"Sure you can", Sirius answered and felt like Remus could've asked him to sell his soul and he'd agree as long as those golden eyes were on him.

"Would Wednesday be okay?"

"Sure it would..."

Somehow Sirius had gotten his mouth awfully close to Remus' slightly parted lips. He paused his movement when he became aware of it, but suddenly they were kissing, and the taller boy realized foggily that Remus must've bridged the final inch or two. Tongues were gently probing and the animagus found it impossible to keep his hands away from the other boy.

When his fingers started on the buttons of the werewolf's shirt, Remus made a scared little sound and started to pull away. Sirius didn't really know what happened, but suddenly he was on top of the werewolf, holding the slim wrists tightly in one hand and staring hard into the wide, glistening eyes.

"You're such a cock tease, you know that?" he spat and manoeuvred his other hand to open the shirt buttons one by one. Remus whimpered and squirmed. A voice inside Sirius' head was screaming for him to stop, that this was wrong, but it was distant and totally overpowered by the voice that told him to claim what was rightfully his. He bent down to suck on Remus' delicate neck, ripping the last couple of buttons simultaneously. The werewolf made a choked noise when he rose again. Pale, scarred skin gleamed and he stretched his fingers on the flat plain of his friend's chest. His hand stood in stark contrast against it. It looked dirty.

Sirius paused and turned to look at Remus' face. Eyes shone perfectly golden, wide from fear. The werewolf was breathing so hard it was crossing over to hyperventilation. An angry purple mark shone on his neck. The dark-haired youth stumbled to his feet and ran to the bathroom, bent over the toilet and vomited.

When he got back to the living room, Remus was gone.

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After he had returned to the living room Sirius had sank down on his mattress and sat there with his head in his hands for what seemed like hours. He had then laid on his side and tried to forget everything and fall asleep, but had failed miserably. After that, he drank. And drank. And drank some more.

He wasn't sure how many days had passed when he woke with the worst hangover of his life. He stared at the wall and tried to understand what the horrible sound was that was bothering him, until he finally realized someone was knocking on his door. Groggily he got up, trying to ignore the taste of vomit in his mouth as he walked to the door and opened it.

"Do you have a habit of answering the door naked or am I somehow special?" Remus asked dryly.

Sirius simply stared. Had it been just a bad dream?

"Really, Sirius. Put some clothes on and help me with these boxes. And _what_ is that god-awful smell?" the werewolf continued and handed Sirius a cardboard box.

The animagus backed to the main room dumbly and just stood there as his friend followed him with another box, and proceeded to float some more into the flat. After the door was closed and the boxes were piled neatly against the wall, Sirius was still standing stupidly and staring.

"You should take a bath. I think the smell is you", the curly-haired boy said with his lip curled in disgust.

He ushered the still silent Sirius into the bathroom and closed the door. The black-haired boy stared at his stubbly, pasty reflection in the mirror and then drew a bath.

After soaking for an hour and brushing his teeth Sirius emerged from the bath wearing a robe, no longer smelling of old booze and sick. Remus was sitting on the sofa, casually reading a book. All the bottles, dirty dishes and other messes Sirius had made were gone. It even smelled fresh and clean.

"What are you doing here?" the taller youth blurted.

"It's Wednesday. We agreed I'd bring my stuff over today."

"You know what I mean", Sirius said, slowly sitting down next to the other boy.

Remus sighed, biting his lip nervously.

"We don't have to talk about it", he said and chewed on his lip a bit more.

"As much as I'd like to forget it, I think we do. Rem, what I did was horrible. I assaulted you, almost _raped_ you. I'm no better than your uncle", Sirius said, disgusted in himself.

"Don't say that. You're _nothing_ like him. And you wouldn't have done that to me. You didn't. You're not that kind of a person", Remus growled and squeezed his hands into fists.

"I could've, Remus, I was so close", Sirius sounded desperate.

"You didn't. And you couldn't have", Remus said, and his pale cheeks suddenly stained with a dark pink.

"What, what do you mean?" Sirius asked, perplexed.

"Sirius, you were drunk. Way more so than me. You didn't have your wand, and this close to the Moon I could've thrown you off", Remus said, gazing at his hands.

"Then why didn't you?" Sirius asked and tried to make eye-contact.

"Because I. Because I liked it" Remus whispered, his face reddening even more.

"You gotta be kidding me", the animagus said.

Remus shook his head.

"I was... aroused. I don't know what it was, maybe it was the fact that you took the pressure off me, maybe I just like it rough, maybe I'm just _sick_ that way, but -"

"_Took the pressure off you?! _I think I did quite the opposite! And you're not sick, don't call yourself that!" Sirius barked, making Remus smile a little sadly.

"I don't blame you for it", Remus said. "You were right. I am a cock tease. Besides, I did enjoy it."

"You couldn't have enjoyed it very much! You seemed terrified, you're eyes were wide and you were panting and -" Sirius sputtered.

He having a hard time taking in any other version since he had been hating himself so much these past few days.

"Which are also all signs of arousal. I don't know how to make this any clearer, Padfoot", Remus said, all serious, and grabbed his friend by the chin, leaning close to him.

"I came", he then whispered, an embarrassed smile playing on his full lips.

"What? When?" Sirius asked, eyes wide with disbelief.

"When you were straddling me and sucking my neck. I came in my pants", Remus said, blushing crimson now. Then he leaned in and kissed Sirius gently on the lips.

"What I did was still wrong", Sirius murmured against the werewolf's lips after they parted.

Then he kissed Remus again, and never wanted to stop.

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After some vigorous snogging they were half sitting, half laying on the sofa. Their breathing was just beginning to settle when Sirius' eyes spotted the boxes on the opposite wall, and he furrowed his brow.

"You never told me why you wanted to bring those boxes over", he simply said and turned to look at Remus, who yawned and rested his head against the back of the sofa, facing Sirius.

"You never asked."

"Well, why did you bring them?"

The pale boy looked a bit uncomfortable.

"I'm leaving for a while and I couldn't afford the storage my fath- ...John had put them in", he said and pursed his lips.

Sirius raised his eyebrows.

"You're leaving? Where? Why haven't you mentioned anything before?" he asked, hurt.

"I wasn't sure if I'd be leaving, but now I really have no choice, since this job offer is the better of two evils."

"So what is it?"

Remus glanced at him with a weird look on his face, like he was queasy. He took a deep breath and started talking, now staring at the boxes like they had suddenly become extremely interesting.

"I'm going to go into a Ministry testing facility. For, for werewolves. I'll get paid some pitiful sum, but at least it's food and lodging."

Remus chuckled humorlessly at the end, and Sirius felt anger rise inside himself.

"What the fuck?! You are so not doing that!" he yelled.

Remus got up but didn't make a move to leave. The black-haired boy jumped to his feet and grabbed his friend, twisting the slight frame to face him. He stared at the sad eyes in front of him.

"You said there was another offer. Surely it can't worse than subjecting you to humiliation by those Ministry fucks! What can be so bad you'd rather be treated like an animal in a cage?!"

Remus mumbled something, looking away and trying to twist out of Sirius' grip, but the other boy just shook him and squeezed harder.

"What is it, Moony? Why are you being so pissy about this?!" he barked.

The werewolf finally lifted his head, angry tears shining in his eyes.

"A prostitute, Sirius! I was offered a place in a freaking brothel, and that's the only other job offer I've gotten!" he yelled.

Shocked, Sirius finally let go of the slim arms. The other boy sank back down on the scarlet cushions and hung his head. Sirius crouched in front of him, and gently pushed some hair away from the pale face. A tear was now clinging to the end of the delicate nose, and Sirius hesitated so long that he didn't have time to wipe it before it dropped and hit Remus' corduroy-covered knee.

"That's apparently all that I'm good for. Humiliation in the name of science or humiliation in the name of pleasure", Remus muttered.

"That's not true", Sirius said firmly. "You're not going to any Ministry facility, and you're definitely not going to do that, that other thing either."

"Sirius, I have no place. I'm almost broke. I have to take this job", Remus said, sounding exhausted.

"You're staying here. That's a sofa bed, if you don't want to sleep on the mattress", he hurried to add the last bit, not wanting to make Remus feel like there was any strings attached.

"I can't pay you rent, or buy groceries or anything", Remus said, shaking his head.

"I have money. You can, I dunno, clean up once in while and cook if you have any idea how to", Sirius wheedled.

He grasped the delicate hands and held them close to his chest.

"So I can be you're maid?" the werewolf asked with raised eyebrows.

"Or a housekeeper, if that sounds any better?" Sirius offered brightly.

"It really doesn't", Remus snickered but smiled a little. "Maybe we can try it for a little while, see what happens. I'll pay whatever I can, but don't expect it to be much."

"You've paid at least a couple of months rent by cleaning the mess that was here earlier", Sirius said with a slightly embarrassed grin. "We should get the rest of your stuff here tomorrow or something."

"That _is_ all my stuff", Remus gestured to the boxes. "I sold the furniture and kept mostly just books and clothes."

"Okay... well, then, can you cook? I'm starving!" Sirius said cheerily, half trying to change the subject, half giddy with the knowledge that Remus was going to live with him.

Remus snorted and went to the kitchen, and started going through the cupboards in search of ingredients and pots and pans.

After what was a surprisingly delicious meal as far as Sirius was concerned ("Seriously, it's just tomato sauce and pasta", Remus laughed after the umpteenth compliment) it was getting quite late. They sat in silence for a while before Sirius dared to approach the unavoidable subject.

"Should I spread the sofa or..." he let the sentence trail off.

"I'm fine with sleeping next to you", Remus said and smiled nervously.

The animagus' heart jumped just a little.

Sirius usually slept naked nowadays but thought that boxers and a t-shirt might be polite. He watched as Remus pulled on his pajamas, and after they'd brushed their teeth they lay down on the mattress side by side. It was big enough for them to not touch each other if they chose not to, but soon after they'd settled down Remus turned to his side, wrapped his arm around Sirius' and pressed his face into the other boy's shoulder. Soon, the werewolf's slim body relaxed and his breathing deepened.

Sirius stayed completely still for what felt like ages. He didn't want to fall asleep, he just wanted to memorize this moment and this feeling in case something happened again, though he did not dare to think what that could be. Eventually, however, his eyelids got heavy and before he knew it, he was asleep.

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A/N: Just to be clear, I do NOT think Sirius' actions were in any way okay, but I do believe it's possible to work through it. Also, this is fiction, and kinda twisted fiction at that. Hope you enjoy. Muah.


	7. Fallen Branches

WARNING: Contains (bdsm) sex.

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Remus whimpered as Sirius tightened the rope that bound the werewolf in a kneeling position. He smacked a taut buttock, hard.

"Did I tell you you could make that sound?" Sirius growled.

Blood was pumping through his veins, packing in his groin. This felt so wrong, but this was the only way Remus would have it.

"No, sir", the other boy panted. "I'm sorry, sir, please, punish me."

Sirius smacked him again and positioned himself behind the other boy.

"Are you ready?" he asked in a gentler voice.

Remus groaned, this time sounding displeased.

"Don't ask, just do", he muttered and immediately whimpered again as Sirius pushed forward and penetrated him without any proper preparation.

They fucked, hard and harsh, like they always did, and it wasn't long before the black-haired youth swore and grabbed Remus by the hips, holding them still as he came deep inside him. He pulled out and lay down on the mattress, finding his wand and releasing the other boy with a flick. Remus lay down next to him, still rock-hard.

"Don't", the brunette breathed as the animagus turned to him and tried to touch his erection.

Sirius huffed and pulled back, twisting his hands in frustration.

"Remus?" he said after a moment of silence. The werewolf hummed as a sign that he was listening. "I want to try something different next time."

"Whatever you want, sir", Remus muttered and pressed himself against the other boy.

He wasn't hard anymore, and he fell asleep almost immediately. Sirius stayed there, feeling determined that things were going to change, and fell asleep after an hour of planning his next move.

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This time the ropes were silk. They bound Remus to the sofa in almost a sitting position, slightly tilted back, propped on cushions. His legs were tied to allow a person to lie between them, but not too far apart. He was looking both nervous and excited as Sirius carried a ornate box to the sofa and positioned himself between his slightly bent knees, slowly pulling something from the box.

"A feather?" Remus asked, perplexed. "Are you going to transfigure it into a whip or something?"

"No", Sirius said, climbing onto the sofa and between the curly-haired boy's slightly bent knees.

He didn't say anything more, just smiled, and slid the feather up the other boy's neck and stroked it across one cheek, then the other. He touched the pale lips lightly with it and then pulled away.

"I hope it's clean", Remus muttered nervously.

Sirius just smiled and stroked the feather down the delicate neck, along the collarbone and down, straight across one pink nipple that tightened visibly. He did the same to the other nipple, and continued down to dip in the bellybutton and stroke over the harsh scars on his lover's skin. The werewolf was trying his hardest to fight giggles, but was failing.

"May I inquire what you are doing, sir..?" Remus' voice wavered as the black-haired boy stroked lower and lower.

"None of that '_sir_' crap today, Remus", Sirius whispered softly and traced a finger where the feather had almost touched the slowly hardening cock of his lover.

The pale boy whimpered.

"No, Siri, don't", he pleaded.

Sirius looked at him, brow furrowed, and put the feather back into the box that was on the floor so the other boy couldn't see. Remus gave a sigh of relief, but too soon - Sirius' hand re-emerged holding a bottle, which he carefully opened and poured some clear, thick liquid on his cupped hand. He put the bottle away and rubbed his hands together. When he was done he licked one finger, humming happily with his eyes closed and then turned to stare at the trembling boy straight in the eye.

"Strawberry flavored massage oil", Sirius explained.

Remus swallowed visibly.

"I can smell that, yes", he managed before the warm hands spread across his chest and he lost his voice altogether.

Sirius rubbed in slow circles, alternating his whole hand and just the tip of his fingers. Remus moaned when he crossed the now pert nipples, but shuddered so badly the black-haired boy was pretty sure it wasn't from pleasure alone. He slid his fingers gently up his lover's neck, stroked a finger across the shapely, trembling lips and paused. Remus looked him with those damned resin-yellow eyes.

"Why are you doing this?" he whispered, almost accusatory.

Sirius bent forward so that their chests were touching, and ran his hands up Remus' arms, so his position was mirroring the other boy's. He pressed his face in the soft curls and whispered in the delicate ear.

"I want to make you see that it can be good even if I don't hurt you. I want you to enjoy it."

"I can't. I don't want to", Remus whimpered again.

"Why not?" Sirius asked, pulling away, trying to look the other boy in the eye but failing.

"I don't deserve it", Remus finally choked out.

Sirius felt his heart crumble a little. He kissed the werewolf's soft lips gently and pulled away.

"Yes, you do. And I'm going to show you what it can feel like if it's the last thing I do."

The darker youth slid to the floor and rummaged through the box. He pulled out another box, a small, golden one, opened it, and the aroma of rich chocolate filled the air. Remus' breathing quickened, which made Sirius smile.

"Finest, Belgian chocolate. Just for you", he chuckled as he picked up a piece.

He placed a chocolate between his teeth and crawled up to his lover's slightly parted mouth, pressed his lips to the werewolf's and pushed the confectionery in with his tongue. His lips lingered as the other boy bit into the candy and moaned against his mouth, and then he slowly started to plant warm kisses down the brunette's throat, across his clavicle, his chest, abdomen and finally he felt the head of Remus' half erect prick hit his chin.

Before Sirius went any further, he poured some more oil on his fingers and reached between his own legs, beyond his cock and to the puckered opening. As he pushed in with his fingers he grabbed Remus with his other hand and sucked him, feeling him harden fast.

The werewolf mewled and his writhing body tugged at the ropes. Sirius pushed inside himself persistently, trying to prepare as quickly as possible. Finally, probably before it was wise, he pulled out and let go of Remus' now hard, leaking cock, grabbed his wand and climbed on top of the quivering, panting body in front of him. He grabbed Remus' cock once more, positioned himself and magicked the ropes away as he simultaneously impaled himself on his lover's hard-on.

Remus grabbed his hips at the same moment his hands were freed. He stared at Sirius wildly, panting, looking more like an animal than ever before. Before, everything had been controlled. Sirius' dominance had been an illusion. Now they were both free.

For a heartbeat Sirius was sure Remus was going to throw him off and run away. But instead, the hands pushed him down and the narrow hips came up, and Sirius felt for the first time what it was like to be _full_. Remus stared at him with his eyes impossibly wide and with shaking hands, pulled him down into a sloppy but passionate kiss. It wasn't going as the black-haired boy had imagined, with him being in charge, but he felt deliriously happy as he was held still and _taken, owned_ by Remus, finally being one with him and seeing him uninhibited.

Afterwards, neither of them was sure how long it had taken. It felt like it had been forever, but they would've gone longer if they could've. They lay on the sofa and held each other tight, languidly kissing from time to time, otherwise still.

"I love you", Remus whispered, as if he was afraid the magic of the moment would break from a louder sound. Sirius just smiled, but knew Remus understood.

Later in the evening they were eating noodles at the coffee table, naked, and Sirius watched as Remus read the paper and tried to hit his mouth with his chopsticks without looking at them, failing miserably. The black-haired animagus smiled and realized something about his earlier thoughts,

_It wasn't full I felt_, Sirius thought. _It was complete._

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	8. Cracking Branches

Things were perfect for a while. Sirius was delighted in the way he saw Remus gain confidence, how the young werewolf slowly let go of his old obsessions and hang-ups. They fucked some, made love often, and spent time together whenever they could. James and Peter told them they were happy for them, but the lovers hid most of their affections from the two animagi in order to make them feel more comfortable.

Happy news came when Lily told them she was pregnant, and even happier nine months later when James came over to announce the birth of baby Harry, immediately telling Sirius he had to be the godfather.

But anxiety, fear and worry soon sneaked into their lives and seemed to be there to stay. Death Eaters were becoming more active, and when at one Order meeting Dumbledore announced there was a spy among them, eyes started darting around the room. Many of them fell upon Remus, who met them calmly, trying not to show how terrified he was of being shunned, of losing everything. Sirius' hand sought his under the table, and squeezed.

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"Can you believe how they all stared at Moony?" Sirius spat and took a long drink from his beer.

He and Peter were sitting together at a corner booth of one of their favorite pubs, where they often came after Order meetings. This time it was just the two of them, since the werewolf and James had gone to look at a possible place to spend the next Full Moon. Peter looked uneasy, which wasn't out of the ordinary, but this time he seemed to really have something on his mind. The rat animagus sipped his beer before talking.

"Padfoot... How well do you think we actually know Remus?" he asked slowly when he had put his pint down again.

Sirius gave him a weird look, a mix of anger and hurt.

"We know him, well, we _know_ him! He's family", Sirius said, torn between being cross and being concerned.

"I've just been thinking... All this talk about a spy, and when we think about it... It wasn't too long ago we thought we knew all about him, but then the whole necklace thing came up. And even if we'd like to, we can't forget he is a dark creat- "

"Don't you dare say it!" Sirius yelled and slammed his hands on the table, sloshing some beer out of Peter's almost full glass.

The few other customers and the bartender gave them annoyed looks.

"I didn't mean it like that", Peter said in a hushed voice. "It's just a technical term."

"You're damn right it's just a technical term, and a stupid one at that", Sirius grumbled quite childishly. He took another swig, starting to feel a little light-headed.

"But there's something I've found out, Padfoot, and you need to hear it. There's this woman, and I need you to hear her out. Meet me here on Saturday? Seven o'clock?" Peter pleaded.

"That's the Full", Sirius said wearily.

"We'll have plenty of time, trust me. Just meet me here. I'm not even sure about this, but by then I'll hopefully know more", the blond boy said and gave Sirius an earnest look.

"Fine", the dog animagus said, agreeing mostly out of curiosity, then downed the rest of his beer and got up. "But now I've gotta go, I have to get some groceries before I get home. I'm going to buy a shitload of sweets to cheer up Remus. Saturday, 7PM, right?"

"Right", Peter said and waved as the black-haired youth walked out the pub.

He sighed and closed his eyes. The creak of leather as someone sat where Sirius had just stood up from made him open them again.

"Nice job", Walden McNair said as he sat down and lit a cigarette. "Do you think he'll actually come?"

"I'm pretty sure. If James or Remus doesn't specifically tell him not to, Sirius will keep his promise", Peter said, rubbing his temples.

"Good lad", McNair said, stood up, patted him roughly on the shoulder and walked out, leaving behind only bitter smoke that did nothing to help the animagus' headache and nausea.

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When Saturday came Remus was even worse than usual for a Full Moon night. He couldn't stomach any food, he was anxious and fidgety and at times hurt so much that he just curled up next to Sirius and clung to his arm. The animagus tried and failed to make him feel any better.

"Maybe you should sleep for a while", Sirius suggested when the clock ticked to half past six. "Prongs is coming soon, and I have to run a quick errand. Is that okay, Moony?"

The werewolf untangled himself from the black-haired man and curled against the armrest instead, nodding with his eyes closed.

"I'll meet you up at the warehouse", the taller boy said, pressing a kiss on the clammy forehead of his lover.

"M'kay", was all the other managed.

Sirius smiled sadly and covered him with a blanket before walking to the door. When he was outside in the alley, he disapparated with a small pop.

He stumbled to another alley, one behind the bar he was supposed to meet Peter and the woman he had been talking about. Sirius straightened his muggle clothes and walked to the entrance, thinking he'd order a drink before the others arrived.

"You're Sirius, right? Peter's friend?" a soft voice made him halt when he'd barely entered the bar.

He turned to look towards the voice, and saw a petite woman sitting at the same booth he and Peter had a few days ago. He hesitated for a second before going to sit at the table. She was a pretty enough witch with long, dark hair braided so it fell over one shoulder and an almost childlike face. She smiled at him and offered a small hand, a waft of too-strong perfume making Sirius' nose tingle. He hoped that he wouldn't smell too strongly when he met Moony later on.

"I'm Anna. I took the liberty of ordering for you", she said as they shook hands curtly.

Sirius stared at the pint in front of him.

"Oh", the woman muttered. "I didn't realize... I can get you another one? Or we can switch. Sorry, I wasn't thinking, of course you won't drink it..."

Something about the woman's stuttering put the animagus at ease, and he took a sip from the beer. It tasted normal, and he drank more deeply. Anna smiled at him, blushing lightly. She looked cute.

"I heard you had some information", he spoke in a low voice and nursed his pint.

"Finish your beer and we'll talk more", the woman said and drank deeply from her own.

Sirius nodded, smiling, already feeling intoxicated. He gulped half of the beer in one go, some of it trickling from the corner of his mouth. Anna giggled and reached to wipe it, and unable to stop himself, Sirius licked at the finger. Large hazel eyes met his, and foggily the animagus thought that they looked like Remus' before he'd seen behind the glamour.

After that it was all a blur.

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_Small hands pushing his shirt up, lips scorching his chest, then stomach... Fingers making quick work of his button fly, wrapping around his erection, pumping... His own hands under her blouse, unhooking her bra, small, soft breasts, even softer than the moans in his ear... Being pushed on a mattress. A light body on top of him, a wrong body, this shouldn't be happening... Hot, wet tightness engulfing his cock, riding him... So good, so good... He didn't want to feel this way..._

He heard the door, and then a woman's voice.

"I was just leaving", she said, and the door closed again.

Sirius tried to push himself to a sitting position, blinking groggily. His head felt weird and his stomach lurched as he moved. When he finally managed to focus his eyes, he saw James stare down at him with pure contempt in his brown eyes.

"You utter bastard", he hissed. "_How could you do this to him? _He was so worried, _I_ was so worried! And here you were, cheating on him with some random woman!"

It took a moment for the animagus to register what his friend was talking about.

"Not a random -" he managed to slur before his friend blew his lid completely.

"NOT RANDOM?! Has this been going on for long then? Shit, Sirius, fucking someone behind his back is bad enough, but you _abandoned him on a Full Moon!_"

Terror bunched Sirius' insides into a painful ball. He forced himself to his unsteady feet.

"Where is he? Is he alright?" he asked desperately, but James just shoved him back to the bed.

"Of course he's not alright!" the messy-haired man shouted, spit flying from his mouth. "He ripped himself to pieces and all I could do was watch! I barely got him to St. Mungo's alive!"

"I need to go to him, I need to explain", Sirius mumbled and tried to get up again, but his friend planted his foot on his chest and pressed him back against the mattress, leaning over him with a menacing look on his face.

"Don't you dare", he growled. "Don't you dare go near him. Not that he could hear you out anyway, he's unconscious. I was so fucking scared, thought you were dead. After he wakes up, he's coming to stay with us in Godrick's Hollow. You won't be welcome there for a while, so don't bother knocking on my door."

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It took a week for James to start talking to Sirius again. Mad-Eye had hexed them both and ordered them to work together, so the messy-haired man had been forced to communicate with the other animagus. The conversations had been curt and professional, but Sirius had found relief in them.

He had been completely alone, scared and confused. Peter had been on some mission or other, and hadn't responded to Sirius' frantic attempts to contact him. He ached to see Remus, but the one time he had made the mistake of mentioning Moony to Prongs the other man had punched him so hard he'd blacked out, and his nose had been crooked for the next few days despite multiple healing charms.

The next time he saw the werewolf was at an Order meeting, three weeks after the Full Moon. Remus was sitting the table, amidst the other Memders, listening to the conversations but mostly keeping to himself.

He had lost weight, looking much like he had back in school when the Marauders had split up for a while. His skin was a pasty white and Sirius could see new scar tissue, still tinted pink, on his face, neck and hands, all over the skin that was exposed by his over-sized jumper. The brown curls were a tangled mess, and though the animagus wasn't sure how it was possible, the golden eyes looked dull.

When those eyes briefly met his, Sirius wasn't able to handle the hurt that shone from the gold. Like a coward he excused himself and locked himself in the bathroom, feigning nausea.

He had been leaning on the sink, trying to keep his emotions in check when a loud shout made him snap into action. The black-haired animagus grabbed his wand and opened the bathroom door the tiniest bit, half-expecting to see Death Eaters. Instead, the hall was empty, but he heard a heated argument in the meeting room. As he snuck closer, he realized it was James who was shouting, and then Remus strained voice answering him.

"He can't go like this! He isn't fit enough!" James was yelling.

"It's not your decision", Remus answered angrily, his voice rough like it hadn't been used in a while.

"Professor Dumbledore", Sirius heard Lily almost whimper when the two men quieted.

"Call me Albus", their old headmaster offered quietly.

"Albus, please. Remus really isn't well enough. Can't we at least wait until next month?"

Sirius finally dared to push open the door and walk in. Expect for Remus, James and Lily, who were all staring at Dumbledore, people glanced at him before turning back to the argument. James' face was as red as Lily and Remus' were pale.

"It is of utmost importance that we get the negotiations started as soon as possible", Dumbledore said gravely.

"He won't survive the Full without help!" James answered heatedly.

"It's not your decision, Prongs!" Remus suddenly yelled back, slamming his palms against the table. "If I can do _anything_ to help you, to make a difference, I will do it! Even if half of you don't trust me, even if you don't think I belong, I will do whatever it takes to protect you all!"

He met everyone's shocked eyes one by one, then finally met Sirius' for a split second before continuing more calmly.

"It's not like I have anything to lose. I will go to Greyback and try to negotiate with the werewolves."

"WHAT?!"

This time it was Sirius who shouted. With his black hair flying behind him he rounded the table and halted, standing between the man he loved and Dumbledore, unsure of what to do.

"He isn't going anywhere", he finally uttered, looking at Remus who was staring at the tabletop again, but not daring to speak to him directly. "I won't let him, I won't allow it, I am not going to lose him!"

Tears were running down his face and he was painfully aware that everyone was watching. From the corner of his eye he saw the Prewett twins shoving each other nervously. At this proximity, he could see the smattering of new scars on the werewolf's face and strands of silver sneaking into the dark curls. Sirius wanted nothing more than to kiss those scars away and untangle the hair, to stroke the silver until it was no more.

The golden eyes met his hesitantly. Remus licked his chapped lips before speaking.

"Padfoot... You've already lost me", he said devastatingly softly.

"Please, Moony", the animagus pleaded, not caring about the bemused snickers.

"Lovers' spat", someone whispered from the corner.

"AND WHAT IF IT IS, CARADOC?!" James and Sirius shouted in unison, giving each other weirded out half-smiles as they realized what had happened.

"Remus, have you decided?" Dumbledore broke the ringing silence that followed.

Without turning his eyes from Sirius', the werewolf answered, loud and clear.

"I'll leave tomorrow."


	9. Growing Branches

A/n: This will be the second to last chapter. I remind my readers that this story is angst.

WARNINGS: Sex. Implied violence and abuse.

Rating: M

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The night Remus came back, Sirius was visiting the Potters in Godrik's Hollow.

He was playing with Harry, floating a toy snitch around the baby's head. Lily was knitting something red, gold and small, and James had spread large maps on their dining room table, tracking the smoky skulls that marked Death Eater activity. Only the rustle of paper, clinking of knitting needles and Harry's laughter were heard until suddenly the flames in the fireplace burned green and a woman's head bobbed into view. Harry giggled and started to crawl towards it, but his godfather picked him up.

"Dorcas? Is that you? Is everything alright?" Lily asked and threw her knitting aside, hurrying to the fireplace and kneeling.

James went to stand next to his wife, but left a space so Sirius could either join them or at least see the exchange if he decided to stand back.

"Potter", the woman in the fire said to James, and then shot the other black-haired man a tense look. "Black. Came to tell that Lupin is back. He's at the headquarters. I need to get back, he... isn't well. Bring anything with healing properties, or something to make death more bearable."

The woman shook her head grimly and with a '_swoosh_', she was gone, and the fire burned orange again.

Harry clapped his chubby arms and giggled some more. Sirius, who was deadly pale, gave him to Lily and then stared at James for a while.

"There's still some of his potions at my place", the dog animagus said shakily. "I'll go get them and meet you there."

The Potters nodded at him and he ran out the door and away from the house, far enough so he could apparate to his flat. After hastily packing everything and anything a Healer might find useful, and some clothes for Remus, he apparated to the Order headquarters. He rushed through the security measures and passwords and hurried inside, only to stop dead in his tracks as he saw James sitting on the steps in the hall, holding his head in his hands. Panic constricted his chest painfully.

"He isn't... Is he?" he choked out.

James raised his head but didn't meet his eyes, instead focusing on the wall opposite to himself.

"He's alive, if that's what you're asking", he said, voice thick. "but he's in a bad condition. If you have healing equipment, I suggest you take it upstairs, first door on the right."

Without hesitation the long-haired animagus pushed past his friend and hurried up the stairs. His footsteps were so heavy they alerted people that he was nearing, and before he was up, Alice Longbottom had stepped out of the room and was leaning against the door. Sirius stared at her flowery dress – even in the busy pattern he could see smudges of blood.

"I don't think it's a good idea for you to see him", the woman said softly. "It would agitate him. Please give us some time."

Surprising even himself, Sirius just nodded and held out the bag that clinked with bottles and jars.

"Healing potions and what not", he muttered sullenly, feeling even worse as he saw how relieved Alice looked. "Can I get something else? Anything?"

The woman was just about to answer when Lily's frantic voice called.

"Alice! Come back in here, please!"

With an apologetic smile she pushed the door open and shut it immediately after her. Though Sirius hadn't seen anything, the familiar smell of iron and potions wafted into the hallway, making him nauseous. He padded down the stairs and sunk next to his best friend.

"Did you see him? Earlier?" the dog animagus asked his friend after a pause.

"Yeah", James said and took off his glasses, just to turn them around his hands for a while before putting them back on. "I didn't recognize him at first. He was covered in dirt, blood and bruises, hair matted, clothes torn... He didn't look like he was breathing. He managed to apparate to Prewetts' doorstep before collapsing, gave their sister and nephew a terrible fright. Fabian brought him here, hoping to find someone with healing abilities. There was only Dorcas, so she went to get Alice, and then she came to us."

"Where's Harry?" Sirius asked next, wanting to distract himself - playing with his godson usually did the trick.

"In the den with Dorcas and Fabian, I think they'll be happy if you go help. I just don't want him to see me like this", James sighed and sniffled.

The taller of the young men stood and rested his hand on the other's shoulder for a moment before turning to walk deeper into the house. When he arrived to the den he paused for a moment.

Dorcas did look kind of awkward, sitting on the sofa, lips a thin line, but Fabian seemed to be enjoying himself. He was shooting small fairy lights in the air and laughed happily when Harry giggled. When the red-head noticed Sirius, his smile turned a bit embarrassed, but he hugged Harry before passing him over.

"He's a cute little critter", the shorter man said. "Seems like he'll have as horrible hair as his father."

"I heard that!" came a voice from the hall and Sirius barked a laugh.

"Really? He has ears under that mop?" Fabian continued, making even Dorcas smirk.

The messy-haired man who was being teased made an appearance at the door.

"Da!" Harry yelled so loud his godfather cringed.

"Any news about Moony?" he asked nervously as he in turn gave the infant to his father.

James shook his head, but Harry's eyes went wide.

"Moo-y! Moo-y!" he called and laughed, looking around expectantly.

To his horror Sirius saw tears run down his best friend's face and heard a sob escape his mouth before Harry was shoved back to him. James walked out of the room and closed the door, shutting out himself and the sobs that didn't stop coming. Fabian and Sirius stared at each other for a moment before the long-haired man sat down and placed the confused toddler on the floor in front of him.

"Harry", he cooed. "can you walk to Uncle Fabian, can you?"

The red-head took the hint and sat down across from the animagus and Sirius lifted his godson to his little feet. The other man conjured another fairy light, encouraging Harry to walk over and catch it. The animagus felt the tightness in his chest ease the tiniest bit as the messy-haired child took a few tentative steps.

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An hour passed before anyone walked through the door to the den again. This time it was Lily, who looked exhausted and pale. Still, she managed a tiny smile before slumping into the nearest armchair, picking up her son as he crawled to yank at her dress.

"How is he?" Dorcas asked before Sirius had gathered the courage to do so.

Lily sighed and took a moment to find the right words.

"Remus is the most resilient person I know", she said quietly and paused. "It'll take time, but he'll recover. Oh, and he kept telling me to apologize to you, Fabian. Told me he didn't mean to be a bother."

Lily smiled wryly as she saw the gobsmacked expression that appeared on the red-haired man's face.

"He _apologized_ for seeking help when he's about to bleed to death?" he uttered.

"That's Remus for you", Sirius said softly, searching Lily's green eyes for more information.

"He'll need someone to take care of him for a while", she said tentatively, meeting his gaze.

"I'll do it", the animagus said instantly. "if you don't think it'll harm him."

Before Lily could answer, Dorcas spoke again, standing up and stretching.

"If you don't have any upcoming missions, it'll have to be you. Everyone else is busy", the woman said and headed for the fireplace. "If he resists, we can always strap him to a bed. Isn't that what they do to lunatics?"

She looked at them for a moment, face as serious as ever.

"That was a werewolf joke", she explained.

When she got no response, she just threw floo powder in the fire and stepped into the green flames, announcing Leaky Cauldron as her destination.

The three remaining Order members exchanged confused smiles, before Fabian stood too, cringing as his legs reminded him he'd sat on the floor for too long.

"I need to get back too, if you don't need anything", he said to Lily, but glanced at Sirius too. "You can tell him I can't accept his apology, since there is no need for one."

He bid them goodbye and soon disappeared into green flames, just like Dorcas a moment before. Sirius got to his feet and watched with a small smile as Harry rested against his mother's chest, eyes closed, tiny fists clinging to the fabric of her dress.

"James and Alice are up there with him. You could go ask if he'll see you", the red-head said softly. "What you did was wrong, Sirius, but in these times, we can't afford to hold grudges against our friends. I don't think he wants to, either. Please, don't take advantage of that."

"I won't", the animagus whispered and shook his head fiercely. "I won't."

He snuck out of the room, trying not to startle the sleeping baby. He then proceeded to the stairs, and up. He stood at the closed door, taking deep breaths, feeling weak and scared all of a sudden.

"Just come in, Pads", James' tired voice called.

The long-haired animagus sighed and grabbed the handle, twisting, then pushing the door open. He closed it behind him before lifting his gaze.

Alice was cleaning up, picking up bloody rags and empty potion vials. James sat in a chair behind the bed, where Remus lay.

Remus...

Sirius bit back a whimper as he saw the state of the pale man. If this was him _after_ healing, he couldn't imagine what he'd looked like before.

Covers were pulled up to his hips and he wasn't wearing a shirt, but most of his skin was covered. Formerly white gauze, now tinted pink and red in many places, circled around his sunken chest and stomach. James held his left arm and tried to be gentle as he rubbed some thick, yellowish goo on the burn marks on it. It looked like something red-hot had been coiled around it, over and over again, from shoulder to wrist. The other arm was wrapped in more gauze and half of the delicate shoulders were covered in purplish marks.

Sirius didn't realize he was crying before the tears slid down his neck, tickling. He stared at Remus' face as he dared himself to walk closer and sit down on a chair across from James. The delicate features were swollen and darkened by bruises, the formerly straight nose had a bump in it, a tell-tale sign it had been broken. Fading marks told the animagus that the full bottom lip had been split in at least two places. He had a black eye that forced one of the lids shut.

"Hi, Sirius", the werewolf rasped as he reached out to touch the mess that was Remus' hair, matted with dirt and blood.

"Hi Moony", he managed, though his words were almost a sob.

"I'm fine, you know", the man continued, eyes still closed, voice thin. "Alice and Lily did a great job. I'll be up and about in no time."

Remus forced his mouth into something that was supposed to be a smile, and Sirius saw one of his canines was broken. Tears kept falling, though he got his breathing even. Alice walked over to the bedside and started checking if blood was still seeping through the bandages.

"Remus, you need to stay in bed for at least a week", she said in a voice that was both soft and stern, reminding the men of madam Pomfrey. "The bones and cuts will heal but the infection in your skin has left your immune system very weak. You need to rest in a calm environment."

The beaten man scoffed quietly.

"We're in the middle of war. There is no calm environment", he muttered. "And I need to help. I need to do something."

"You're not helping anyone if you get yourself killed", James growled. "You say you want to help, then start with yourself! Get yourself fixed. If you die, it better be in action, fighting for us, not from some fever you'll get if you start staggering about when you're not healed properly."

Sirius stared at his friend. He had never heard James speak so harshly. Remus had gone still against the pillows, and the dog animagus was pretty sure he looked a bit ashamed under the damage that hid most of his features.

"I still don't understand where we'll find a _'calm environment'_", the werewolf said quietly after a while, sounding apologetic. "I can't really stay here, now can I."

The black-haired men exchanged nervous looks.

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It had taken two days for Remus to get well enough so they could move him. He had surprised everyone by not putting up a fight when they suggested that Sirius take care of him. He had just said he didn't want to take a good man out of the action, but accepted their reasoning that the animagus was the only one available at the moment.

It was their second night at Sirius' flat. The werewolf was sleeping on the sofa bed, surrounded by pillows and blankets. The animagus sat next to his head and tried not to wake him as he worked on the matted curls. He had gotten a good amount detangled and was now brushing that portion to get rid of most of the flaking blood and dirt when Remus suddenly spoke.

"I wish I could take a bath", the pale man muttered without opening his eyes.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you", Sirius said softly.

"I've been awake for like an hour", Remus huffed and smiled a bit.

"Oh."

"Feels nice", the werewolf sighed, and the taller continued his task.

They were quiet for a long while, only the brush strokes and ticking of the wall clock filling the silence. Then, Remus took a deep breath and opened his golden eyes, shifting slightly to look at the man beside him. Sirius was happy to see that the eyes were normal now - earlier, they had been worryingly feverish.

"Padfoot... Would you do me a favor?" the brown-haired Marauder asked.

"Anything, Moony", the taller man said solemnly.

Remus studied his face for a moment before speaking again.

"Even though we're not together", he said slowly. "would you have sex with me?"

The animagus stared, shocked into silence. The werewolf smiled sarcastically.

"I mean if I'm not too repulsive, I know I'm not at my best", he quipped as he rearranged himself gingerly against the pillows.

"Moony, you're not well enough", Sirius finally said and stroked his fingertips over the bandages still covering his ex-lover's arm. "And why would you want me to? What I did was terrible, and I know I can't fix that."

His throat tightened at the end, since he didn't want to believe it. He was still hoping that this would all miraculously blow over and Remus would move back in for good, and their life would be as it had been, if not better.

"You taught me it can be good", the other man said quietly, squeezing his eyes shut for a moment before meeting Sirius' gaze again. "and after what I witnessed and experienced in the pack, I think I need a reminder."

"Remus..." the long-haired man said, shaking his head mournfully.

"Just think about it", the werewolf sighed and returned to his original position, closing his eyes.

_I already do_, Sirius thought bitterly as he started to brush the hair again. _All the time, Moony... I think about you all the time..._

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Three days later Remus got one of his wishes. Alice came over to check the werewolf's injuries and said that a bath would do him good. After that she gave Sirius some potions and more gauze and told him to cover any open wounds afterwards, apologizing when she couldn't stay to do it herself. The animagus told her it was okay, though butterflies attacked his insides when he even thought about it.

"I'll go draw the bath", the black-haired man said as he walked past the werewolf, who was sitting on the edge of the sofa bed.

Remus just nodded, eyes tracing the newest marks marring his skin, revealed from under the bandages. The animagus sighed as he went to the bathroom and started to rinse the tub, making sure no soap residue lingered there. When he was sure it was clean, he put the plug in and turned on the faucet, then poured in some calming and healing potions. When the tub was half full, he went to get his friend.

"It's about ready", he announced, feeling awkward and unsure as he walked to the werewolf, who was playing with the silver chain around his neck. "Can you walk on your own or...?"

Without a word, Remus grabbed his arm and pulled himself up. The blanket that had been covering him fell, and Sirius felt himself blush. He kept his eyes elsewhere as he helped his one-time lover to the bathroom and then into the tub. As the battered werewolf sunk into the water and sighed, the black-haired man turned off the faucet and sat down on the toilet seat. Steam filled the room, lulling the senses, and Sirius closed his eyes to avoid seeing the other man stretch languidly, long fingers sliding over the scarred skin.

The silence stretched for a long time before Remus broke it.

"Would you wash my back?" he asked, a hint of ironic laughter lacing his words.

"Hm? Sure", Sirius said and forced his eyes open.

Remus' gaze was heavy and golden, the steam making his hair curl against his skin which shimmered with moisture. The healing potions had faded most of his bruises. He looked beautiful, and Sirius felt his chest ache as he took a small towel and dipped it in the water before leaning to wipe his fellow Marauder's back with it. He could see his friend's spine and the outlines of his ribs through the pale skin and it almost made him cry. Sirius swallowed back tears and pulled away when he was done, dropping the towel into the hamper.

"Would you wash my hair, too?" the werewolf asked more hesitantly.

"Can't you do it yourself?" the animagus asked, confused.

"It feels nice when you do it", Remus said quietly, eyes downcast.

Sirius didn't say anything, just moved sit on the edge of the tub and squeezed some shampoo on his hands.

"Wet your hair", he instructed and the other man leaned back, dipping his head underwater.

Gently, Sirius started lathering the brown curls. He rubbed Remus' scalp with his fingertips, his movements slow and careful, making the pale man sigh softly. He smoothed the foam into the hair, combing through the strands with his fingers until he was sure all lingering dirt was loose. As Sirius turned on the shower and pulled Remus under it, starting to rub his scalp again, the werewolf hummed in a way that made him shudder.

"I'm ready to get out now", the golden-eyed man said after his hair was rinsed.

Again, the animagus stayed silent as he stood and took out a large towel and held it out to the other man.

"I need your help", Remus said quietly.

Sirius folded the towel over his arm and held out his hands. The werewolf grabbed them with his slippery fingers and manoeuvred himself up and over the side of the tub. When he seemed to be stable enough on his feet, the black-haired man wrapped the towel around him. Remus started shivering almost immediately and the animagus took out his wand and performed a drying charm on his friend.

"Come on", he murmured and took hold of the other's slim upper arm. "let's get you back to bed."

He walked the naked werewolf to the sofa bed and gently pushed him to lay down, drawing the blankets over him. When Remus kept shivering he pulled out his wand again, but a cold hand came to rest on top of his.

"I'd prefer if you warmed me up", the curly-haired man whispered. "Just lay down under the covers for a while. Please?"

Even though Sirius knew where this was headed, he couldn't refuse. He took off his jeans but kept the rest of his clothes on before climbing next to the thin man. As Remus pressed close he changed into Padfoot and licked the other's chin.

"Skin is warmer than fur", the werewolf grumbled and wiped his face.

The animagus shifted back to his human form and drew the lithe body against his chest. He pressed his nose against the messy curls which smelled of his shampoo, but also like something that was purely Remus. That smell was comforting, it had never changed, not when he saw behind the glamour, not when they were friends and not when they became lovers. It hadn't changed even now, when he didn't know what they were anymore.

"Please kiss me", the shorter man pleaded quietly.

Sirius leaned back a bit and Remus pushed himself higher on the bed so he could fit their mouths together. The feeling was so familiar, it felt like coming home after being lost for days, weeks, years... When the slippery tip of the werewolf's tongue slid against the black-haired man's lips, he automatically opened his mouth and allowed the kiss to deepen, welcoming the other man to explore his mouth. He let his own hands wander on his friend's abused skin, glad that there weren't any wounds to cover anymore. His touch elicited pleased sounds from the werewolf, which in turn resonated inside the animagus.

Sirius pulled back after what felt like hours and stopped to stare into the eyes that gazed at him, wide and golden. His heart skipped a beat, and he wanted so badly to utter those three words, but felt like he didn't have the right to, anymore.

"I love you too, Sirius", Remus whispered and smiled softly.

The animagus gave a little sob and kissed the werewolf again, desperately this time. Slender fingers pushed his shirt up, and he didn't care anymore, he didn't care that he didn't deserve this, didn't care that Remus was weak and hurt, that he had promised not to take advantage. He pulled back and sat up enough to pull his t-shirt off and then lay on his back, pushing down his boxers. Even before the garments hit the floor, he was pressed against Remus again, gasping as skin slid against skin and sent sparks flying through his neural pathways.

"I've missed you", he cried against the soft skin of the werewolf's neck. "so much... so sorry..."

"I've missed you, too", the other man gasped and pulled Sirius on top of himself. "Please..."

The long-haired man paused, holding himself over the smaller body with one hand, stroking the werewolf's face with the other. He brushed his thumb over the pale lips, then along his jaw and finally tugged at a delicate ear, making Remus smile. He wanted to give in, but he was still apprehensive.

"I'm afraid I'll hurt you", he whispered.

"I need this, Sirius", Remus answered softly but firmly, yellow eyes intense. "I need to remember it can be good."

The animagus' chest ached with equal amounts of affection and worry.

"What did they do, Moony?" he forced himself to ask.

"Ask some other time", the werewolf told him, shaking his head slightly. "It's okay, really, I just need to be with you. I need you inside me, Sirius. Please..."

When the slim hands pulled him down, against the lithe body, and as Remus' eager mouth found his hesitant lips Sirius felt his resolve evaporate. He kissed his love slow and deep, stroking his hands over every inch of the translucent skin he could reach without breaking the kiss. Finally, he allowed his fingers to travel between the werewolf's legs and they both shuddered as he wrapped them around Remus' erection.

"More, Sirius, please", the man below him panted after a moment of tender fondling. "_Please..._"

The larger man growled and attacked the soft lips one last time, sucking and biting until they were red and swollen, before he fumbled to find his wand.

"I have to pull the covers off for a bit", he murmured, so close their lips brushed against each other.

The werewolf just nodded, shivering as the warmth disappeared when Sirius exposed them to the cool air in the room. The animagus tried not to dwell on how thin and fragile his lover looked, instead nudging the slim legs apart and muttering the charms that readied the passage for him. He lubricated his fingers too, and placed them between Remus' thighs before drawing the blanket over them again.

The werewolf was shivering, more from the cold or the sensation of Sirius prodding between his cheeks, the animagus wasn't sure. When the black-haired man kissed him and pushed his middle finger against the puckered muscle, Remus shuddered and moaned into the larger man's mouth, spreading his legs further and drawing his knees up. The wanton gesture burned Sirius' insides, and he pushed the digit in, starting to slide it in and out without pausing to listen to the other's reactions.

Remus didn't seem to mind, instead he clung to the other man like a lifeline, and pressed his mouth close enough to his friend's ear that his warm breath ghosted over it as he spoke.

"More, Sirius", he encouraged breathily. "Another one... I need you to stretch me so I can fit you inside me, the sooner the better..."

The taller man groaned and fought to keep himself in check. He hadn't had sex since the night that ruined everything, he hadn't even touched himself for ages. His cock was throbbing and aching, oozing precum and making Remus' thigh slippery where it rubbed against it. It took all his strength to be gentle as he slid another finger in. He stretched carefully, scissoring his fingers and fucking the other man with deliberate little thrusts.

"Enough", the pale man growled after a short while. "I need you, now."

Unable to hold back anymore, Sirius grabbed a pillow and shoved it under Remus who held his narrow hips off the bed, before he crawled between the slender legs and grabbed his erection, sliding it along the lubed cleft. The werewolf's breath hitched as he brushed against the right spot, and he started pushing, fighting against the urge to just shove forward. It took a moment before the muscle gave, but after that initial resistance the prick slid in smoothly.

The long-haired man shuddered to a halt, body tense as he drew in deep, calming breaths. He was arched over the shorter man, face pressed against the pale chest, breathing in the scent of healing potions and _Remus_, hands holding the slim hips.

"Is everything okay?" the curly-haired man asked when Sirius showed no sign of moving anytime soon.

"Dun wanna come yet", the taller man mumbled against the soft skin. "Too close. Been so long, feels so good..."

He almost sobbed the last words, and a cool hand came down to pet his head, bony fingers pushing in his hair. He concentrated on the feeling of blunt nails scraping against his scalp, and the insistent pull of his orgasm ebbed slowly, allowing his body to relax a bit. He dared to move his hips some, moaning at the hot tightness that enveloped him. His other hand came to support his weight again, and the other reached between them, closing around Remus' erection and stroking it in rhythm with his thrusts.

Soon he was sweating because it was too warm under the blanket, but he didn't care. His whole existence was all about the smooth glide of slippery skin on slippery skin, and in and out of the tight body. The man under him was trembling and mewling, grasping at him, fingers entangling in his long hair. Everything was perfect.

Sirius lapped at the salty sheen that sprang to Remus' chest and tightened his fist around the man's cock. The werewolf whimpered and bucked his hips, clenching around the taller man, making him gasp and shudder. The animagus started to thrust with more force and speed, getting closer to the edge with every second. He let go of the other's erection and took hold of the slim hips with both his hands again and pushed himself deep a couple of times before spilling inside his lover's body, gasping for air as he settled against Remus, trying to align himself so that the smaller man could still breathe.

"Thank you", the werewolf whispered and petted his hair after a moment of silence.

"We're not done yet", Sirius managed and forced himself to move, gently pulling out and ducking under the covers.

As soon as he got to Remus' groin, he took the man's erection into his mouth. He kept the suction gentle at first, but when he heard a low whine escape the werewolf he sucked harder, moving his mouth up and down the shaft, enjoying the familiar taste and feel of it. It only took a minute before Remus came in his mouth, releasing spurts off come on Sirius' tongue. The black-haired man swallowed without hesitation, making sure to lick his lover clean.

He crawled back up, feeling refreshed as the cooler air outside the covers hit his face and entered his lungs. The golden eyes watched him in wonder, and a small smile played on the full lips.

"Now can I thank you?" Remus asked, a hint of laughter in his tired voice.

"No need", the animagus murmured. "You have given me so much more, over and over."

Sirius leaned in to place a lingering kiss on his mouth.

"I love you", the werewolf whispered against his lips.

"I don't deserve it, but I'm so thankful", the taller man answered. "I love you too."

The werewolf fell asleep within minutes, spent body wrapped around his lover's, sated smile curling his lips. The animagus gazed down at him, feeling like he was the luckiest man alive. He hugged the sleeping man close, kissing the dark curls.

_'I can't be the secret keeper'_, he realized as he listened to Remus' steady breathing. _'I can't go into hiding, I can't leave him. I have to protect him, too.'_

He glanced at the calendar on the wall. He only had three days to convince James they had to change the plan.

_'I'll talk to Prongs tomorrow'_, he thought, looking down at his slumbering lover again. _'I can't tell Remus, though – he'd never agree.'_

"...love you", the werewolf mumbled against his chest, and Sirius felt his heart ache with joy.

"I love you too, Moony", he whispered back. "Always."

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	10. End of Branches

A/n: The final chapter, and it is angsty. Hope you still like it, I will hopefully get around to go through this story properly and fix typos/inconsistencies. Reviews are always welcome. I also remind my readers that I take _a lot_ of liberties from the books.

WARNINGS: Sex, character death(s).

RATING: M

DISCLAIMERS: I don't really own anything.

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**1995 / Yorkshire, Remus Lupin's cottage**

Remus was nervous, but years had taught him to hide his feelings behind a calm exterior. The same years had robbed Sirius of any calm, true or pretend, and his stormy grey eyes darted around the small kitchen like a snitch.

"Would you like some tea, Sirius?" the werewolf asked politely, getting up from his seat to fill the kettle.

"Yes", the animagus croaked, running a hand through his black hair that was unevenly chopped shorter from the mane it had been when he escaped from Azkaban.

He finally rested his gaze on the steaming mug when Remus set it before him, and they sipped their drinks in silence for a while. Both were sure their heartbeats were audible.

"How come I can't see behind your glamour anymore?" Sirius suddenly blurted.

Remus raised his gaze, face blank.

"I've been meaning to ask if you didn't, though I suspected as much", he said and added some sugar to his tea, mostly just to buy some time. "I suppose it's because I've changed so much in appearance."

"But how come you even have the necklace? You look a lot like John, but he told you you couldn't use his image anymore, right?" the black-haired man questioned him further.

"When you... after all of you..." the scarred wizard started, and had to pause to clear his throat. "I had no place to go. I went to stay with him for a while, and we got things sorted out. He decided I was more his son than anything else, and that I deserved to live as I wanted."

Remus twirled his teaspoon in the cup without touching it, just to concentrate on something, not because it was really a legitimate use for wandless magic. Thinking about all of that was still painful.

Sirius looked at his former lover. His heart ached as he studied the hazel eyes and the hair that was heavily laced with silver streaks. He really did look a lot like Mr Lupin had, the one time the animagus had met him. It felt weird. It felt wrong.

"So what _do_ you look like these days?" the black-haired man asked.

The werewolf pursed his lips and sighed. When he raised his eyes to meet Sirius' grey ones, he smiled crookedly.

"Worse than you", he said wryly, and Sirius barked a laugh.

"I doubt that", the prison escapee said, laughter still lacing his words.

The amused sound faded as he saw how uncomfortable Remus suddenly looked. He berated himself and took a gulp of tea, fingers clenching around the mug. He hated this tension between them. At the Shack Remus had embraced him and he had thought there was some hope lingering in that touch. When he had appeared at the werewolf's door earlier today, the man had stepped aside to let him in, shown him to the kitchen and sat down. Then he had listened to Sirius tell about what had happened in the Tournament silently, hands folded close to his chest.

It had all been so formal. So reserved and polite. It left the animagus feeling cold and confused, and suddenly, he felt angry.

"Show me", he demanded. "I want to see you, the real you."

"Why?" Remus asked him sharply. "There's no reason for you –"

"You're keeping me at a distance and I can't handle it!" the animagus almost growled. "I need something tangible, I need something _real_. I need _you_, Moony. Don't shut me out."

"Do you think this is easy for me?" his friend asked him, voice shaking a bit. "That this _has been_ easy for me? No-one besides Dumbledore has seen what I look like in years. I rarely even look in the mirror."

"Why?" Sirius asked, tone softer now.

"Because I look like a _monster_", the werewolf said quietly. "Every ugly and painful thing I've known is carved into my skin. If I didn't have the necklace, I'd _never_ leave this cottage, I might've even offed myself."

The animagus started at the harsh words, and his grey eyes found Remus' and silently begged for him to take them back. The pale man looked miserable as he held the gaze, but didn't answer his friend's prayer.

"It's just looks, Moony", Sirius almost whimpered.

The other man shook his head and something between a nervous tick and a broken smile pulled at the corner of his mouth. His voice was soft and defeated when he spoke.

"Your face is known all over the Wizarding community, even in parts of the Muggle world. They know your name and they think they know what you did. I'm not trying to diminish the suffering you're going through, but at least you have the chance to clear your name. One day you'll be known as Sirius Black, wrongfully convicted. There is no possibility like that for me."

Remus looked pained and anxious as he held up a shaky hand when Sirius was about to argue.

"When I hide like this, it's a bit easier, I can move among people and they can't immediately tell what I am. But I can never erase what's been done to me, I can never defend myself before I'm judged. As long as there is prejudice against werewolves, I'm going to be a pariah. Good people forget themselves when they find out, think about Hermione and Ron, or all the Order Members who were convinced from the beginning that I was the spy. And that's without my face instantly showing what I am, setting me apart. If they judge me when I look like this, how do you think they'd react if I looked even worse than the others, who are mostly savages, beasts and killers?"

The prison escapee had nothing to say. His body felt heavy and mind numb, and suddenly he thought about how he and James had always been there to pick Remus up when he was this down, and how it had seemed easy. Now the task felt impossible, he couldn't do it on his own. He wiped a tear from the corner of his eye before it fell.

"But you don't even look like most werewolves", he said, childishly trying to find some objection, though he knew it made no sense.

"I wish I did", Remus scoffed. "I look so weird and grotesque, probably because I was so young and I've lived so long. Most werewolves are adults and die soon, so they don't go through much changes."

"At least you don't look like Greyback", Sirius muttered.

The ex-professor made a small, choked sound and the animagus stared, horrified.

"You don't, right?" he gasped.

"No, thank the Founders", Remus said and actually laughed a bit.

They drank in silence for a moment, mostly looking out the window to the small but neatly maintained magical garden. The black-haired man's weary mind was filled with insecurities and painful memories, and he was glad when the werewolf's voice dragged him out of them.

"Um, Padfoot..."

Sirius made a small sound of acknowledgement.

"Would you mind taking a bath?"

The taller man barked a laugh and turned to his friend, who was grinning lopsidedly. For the first time since their reunion he looked more like the boy he'd known in school than some stranger. The animagus smiled right back at him, and his chest started to feel a bit warmer again.

"I didn't mean to offend your keen senses, Mr Moony", he chuckled, slipping into the silly accent the Marauders had used from time to time. "I am terribly sorry."

"It's quite alright, my dear Mr Padfoot", Remus answered in the same manner. "May I show you to the facilities?"

"That would be marvelous, old chap!"

"Come this way, then, if you please", the brown-haired man laughed and stood, herding Sirius out of the kitchen as soon as he was on his feet.

The bathroom was cramped, so Remus just showed him where everything was and told him to use as much hot water and soap as he wanted before leaving Sirius to it. The taller man thanked him quietly and waited for a moment after the door clicked shut before turning on the tap and starting to undress.

He cringed as he saw how dirty his clothes were, and wondered how his ex-lover had been able to stand his smell for as long as he had. He hoped he had his wand so he could cast an _'Incendio'_ on the rags since he didn't want to put them on ever again.

Sirius sighed as he lowered himself into the half-full tub, and grabbed the nearest bottle of soap. He squeezed a generous amount under the stream of water and laughed a bit as it started to froth and form large, shimmering bubbles. His childish glee mellowed as he saw dirt seep into the water from his skin, and he started scrubbing his hands over his body, not wanting to ruin Remus' sponges. As his fingers felt his ribs and bones, he got a sharp reminder that he didn't look like he used to – Moony didn't see the man he used to love.

After he had soaked for half an hour he drained the dingy water and turned the shower on. He had already gotten his hair a bit cleaner, but decided to wash it properly standing up. The animagus grabbed the nearest shampoo and poured it onto his palm, frowning a bit as a crisp apple scent wafted to his nose when he lathered – there was something familiar about it, but the werewolf had never used such strong scents before. He forgot his confusion as he started the battle to comb his hair with his fingers, which took him another half an hour to complete.

"You can use my bathrobe, if it's all right", Remus' voice called from behind the door shortly after he'd turned off the water. "I'm afraid I don't have an extra."

"Thanks, Moony", Sirius answered softly.

He grabbed a towel and started slowly drying his hair and then his body, trying and failing not to dwell on all the imperfections he found. He was quite appalled to realize how much his confidence had depended on his looks. He pulled on the robe, smiling as he smoothed his hands over the fluffy terrycloth the same colour as butterbeer. It was so _Remus_, warm and soft against his skin.

With a final glance in the mirror where his reflection shrugged tiredly, Sirius opened the bathroom door and padded to the living room where he'd seen the werewolf disappear earlier. He stopped dead in his tracks when he saw him.

Resin yellow eyes glinted at him, shining with tears and an overwhelming sense of sorrow. Almost half of the dark brown curls had turned to pale silver, and it seemed most of Remus' skin was now scar tissue. It had been well healed, though – it didn't seem to prevent any facial movements as his mouth formed a small, unhappy smile.

"See?", the pale man whispered. "Even you judge me now."

The animagus shook his head, feeling worn and exhausted. He walked over to Remus and kneeled next to where he was sitting in a tattered armchair, clutching a book with trembling fingers. With a steady hand Sirius reached up to stroke his finger over the other's right eyebrow and the scar which split the elegant arc in two. He then moved to wipe tears off the countless scratches that marred the high cheekbones, and finally dared to brush his thumb against the corner of the full mouth which looked like it had been torn badly at some point.

"Must've hurt like Hell", the black-haired man murmured.

"My body's even worse", Remus whispered and sniffled a bit. "So ugly, ripped and shredded and broken apart so many times... I always heal them, at least to some extent. I wonder why I bother."

The two men were quiet for a long while, until the werewolf pushed himself up and spoke in the same, gentle way he had before, and Sirius shuddered as he felt his friend shut him out again. Even seeing behind his glamour hadn't changed anything.

"You can have the bed", the pale man said. "I'll just stretch the sofa for myself. I'm still recuperating from the Moon and you must be tired from your journey, so I was thinking we'd turn in early.

"We could share the bed", the escapee said, voice hoarse as he stood slowly.

"There's no need for you to force yourself into being near me", Remus said with a small laugh that was painfully fake.

"I want to, Moony", Sirius insisted and tried to take hold of a slim wrist, but the other man spun around, eyes flashing.

"I DON'T WANT A PITY FUCK!" he shouted, making the taller man take a step back. "I don't want to see the disgust in your eyes as you make yourself do what we used to do! I don't want to tarnish those memories, Padfoot, _they're all I have_!"

"You're a pathetic idiot", Sirius growled and shoved the smaller man against the nearest wall, forcing his wrists on side of his face before pressing their lips together.

The slighter man fought back for a while, but as the animagus slipped a thigh between his and rubbed against him he gasped, and went still as the other used the opportunity to lick into his mouth. For a while it was only Sirius who moved, but then Remus gave a small sob and started kissing him back. The darker man let go of his wrists and smoothed his hands up the slender arms and over the angular shoulders, finally taking hold of the werewolf's face and pulling away from the kiss.

"Not a freaking pity fuck", he grumbled. "I want you. I need you. I love you."

"Padfoot..." Remus moaned and shuddered against him. "It's been so long... I want to hold you."

Sirius leaned back enough to be able to stare into the striking yellow eyes. He felt a jolt run down his spine as he saw the feral glint of the wolf in that heated gaze, and though he would never say it to his friend, he was happy seeing it. What Remus saw as a monster, Sirius saw as his mate – it was intimidating and painful, but it was also so _undeniably_ _real_ that after all the lies and insecurity it felt sublime.

He pressed a soft kiss on the scarred lips but couldn't go any further before he was shoved away. For a moment his chest tightened, but then the werewolf grabbed his arm almost painfully and dragged him across the living room and through a doorway to the bedroom.

Sirius barely had time to register the bookshelves and beaten up wardrobe before he was pinned down on the narrow bed. Remus leaned in to suck on his neck, then nibbled his way up to Sirius' ear, licking the delicate shell.

"You used the apple shampoo", the werewolf huffed. "It's fourteen years old, you idiot."

"That was mine?" Sirius asked and then moaned as the other man ground against him.

"Yes", Remus whispered. "When you bought I told you I it smelled too strong, so you didn't use it again. I don't even know why I kept it, but... the smell has been comforting from time to time."

"I wonder what you do when you sniff it in the shower."

His breathy laugh turned into yelp when Remus bit down on his shoulder. After getting over the shock the animagus started pushing up the shorter man's jumper, but the werewolf pulled back with a scared look in his eyes.

"I don't want you to see", he said softly, shaking his head.

"I _need_ to see", Sirius said, frustrated. "and I need to touch. Dim the lights if you have to but please get rid of your clothes. Do you think I'm feeling very dashing at the moment?"

Something between irritation and amusement crossed the delicate features, and then Remus yanked his shirt off. The expression was replaced with mixed defiance and insecurity as he let his long-lost lover take it all in.

A tear escaped from the corner of one grey eye and tickled its way into the black hair. He didn't make a sound, though, as he reached both of his hands to smooth over the white expanse of the werewolf's chest.

The scars there, on his arms and abdomen were worse than on his face – it seemed he hadn't bothered to heal them properly and because of that they were a mess. Along the long slashed were bite marks and puckered scars from flesh being ripped and then mended by magic. Sirius had to force back a sob as he touched the place where a rosy nipple was supposed to be, but concentrated instead on the one that miraculously remained amongst signs of carnage. He teased the bud gently and felt Remus shiver when he smoothed his other hand over the prominent curve of his ribs.

"I love you, Moony", he murmured when he could think of nothing else to say.

The curly-haired man gave a sad, breathy chuckle. He climbed off Sirius and pulled him up, kissing him heatedly as he slid the bathrobe over his shoulders and then went to open his own trousers. The kiss got more rough as the animagus reached to push the remaining clothing down Remus' thighs and skin pressed against heated skin. Soon enough the taller man found himself being pushed to sit and then lay down on the bed again, and he moaned desperately when delicate fingers teased his chest and slid lower, pausing torturingly close to his erection.

He stared up at his lover and felt his insecurities melt away as he saw the hungry glint in the wolfish eyes. That hunger combined with the tender smile Remus gave him would've made him weep with joy had he not been so desperate for more contact.

"What do you want, Moony?" he asked, returning the smile and reaching to pet the silver-and-brown curls.

"Anything and everything", Remus whispered and nuzzled his wrist.

"Can I fuck you, then?" Sirius dared to ask, and grinned as he saw the other nod and blush the tiniest bit.

The taller man moved to make room on the bed and slid partially on top of the werewolf when he lay down next to him. They kissed and caressed slowly, feeling the new contours of each others' once-familiar bodies. It soon started to become too much for Sirius and he pulled back a bit.

"Do you have -?" he started, but paused as he saw Remus reach for his wand.

The scarred man spread his legs and pointed down, muttering a spell. He put the wand on the nightstand and pulled Sirius into a feverish kiss.

"I don't need much prep", he whispered against the escapee's mouth. "I've fingered myself thinking about you so often since we met at the Shack."

"_Shite, _Moony", the animagus gasped and wrestled the other man completely under himself. "I'm going to loose it if you talk like that."

"I'm counting on it", Remus said with a wicked grin and spread his thighs further.

Cursing under his breath, Sirius spat in his hand and hastily rubbed it over his erection. He hoisted the werewolf's narrow hips up a bit and shoved the thick pillow he was handed under them, leaning forward to rub his length against the slicked entranced of his lover. Remus gasped and wrapped his legs around the black-haired man, pulling him closer.

"Do it", he urged. "I can't wait anymore, I want you inside."

"It'll hurt", the darker man grunted, trying to hold onto his self-restraint.

"I don't care", Remus growled and canted his hips so that the head of Sirius' prick slid against the pucker. "I need to be with you _now_."

Unable to resist anymore, the animagus grabbed his erection and positioned himself. He fought to remain calm and slow as he pushed forward, whining and panting like the dog he was as he breached the ring of muscle. It seemed the werewolf hadn't exaggerated – there wasn't much resistance, and his delicate features didn't show signs of discomfort when the darker man dared to push further.

Slowly, Sirius started moving inside his love, gasping with every thrust. He felt weak and shaken as the pleasurable heat robbed him of any sense or control over his body, and it took him a moment to realize he was actually crying, his tears dropping to mix with the sheen of sweat that turned Remus' already shiny scars into a pearly work of art. He leaned awkwardly forward, needing to be closer.

Hungry mouths met, eager hands roamed. Two broken bodies, hearts and souls, breaths mingling together. For a moment, in a semi-derelict cottage in the middle of nowhere, two wounded men found paradise.

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**1996 / London, Grimmauld Place 12**

"Tonks is really smitten with you", Sirius said and downed another tumbler of whiskey.

He and Remus were lounging in the sitting room, or more precisely, the Black Heir was lounging with his feet dangling across the sofa's armrest, head on the werewolf's lap. The latter was trying to read.

"You know, whiskey is meant to be enjoyed slowly", the curly-haired man muttered. "not as shots."

They went silent for a moment, since neither really wanted to have this argument again – Sirius knew perfectly well how his lover felt about his recent drinking habits, and the animagus was so frustrated at his current situation that he couldn't hold back his anger when pressured. Last time the black-haired man had come to greet Remus in the Hall so drunk that the other had shoved him away, and they had ended up in a three-way screaming-match with Mrs Black's portrait.

"You didn't answer my question", the animagus finally chuckled and leaned to pour himself more.

"You didn't actually ask me anything."

Sirius sighed and pushed himself up, almost toppling over the canter of alcohol from the side table as he swung his long legs to the floor. He rubbed his face and turned to look at Remus properly. He was still thinking about what to say when the werewolf spoke softly.

"She thinks you're handsome", he said with a half-smile. "Told me on our last mission."

"Oh", the taller man said, feeling his face heat up from something else than alcohol. "How'd that come up?"

Remus shrugged.

"She just said it."

"What did you say?" Sirius asked, grinning.

"Something along the lines that you always end up with the women", the werewolf said softly.

They were quiet again, and the black-haired man sipped his drink more carefully this time. His voice was tight when he spoke.

"I'm sorry I slept with that woman. I still don't know what happened. I drank a couple of beers, and the next thing I know, we're snogging..."

The werewolf sighed and put the book aside. His spine cracked as he stretched.

"I'm pretty sure Wormtail can be blamed for that too, not that it repairs much. But I don't carry a grudge", he muttered.

He still felt a sting in his chest when he thought about it. Though it was true – he didn't carry a grudge. The fact that Sirius had cheated on him had become muddled in with all the pain of believing he had betrayed him in a much worse way. When he found out his lover hadn't killed their friends, it had felt stupid to let such matters tarnish their reunion.

"Well, you don't have to be scared of me running off with Tonks", the animagus chuckled and leaned to kiss Remus, but the latter pulled away.

"Actually, though she said she thought you were handsome, she -"

"Hi Remus!" Tonks squeeled as she stumbled into the room. "Oh, hello Sirius."

"Hullo, Tonks", the older cousin said with a confused smile.

"Evening, Nymphadora", the werewolf said politely.

The metamorphomagus' face fell and her hair changed from pink to grey.

"Don't call me that!" she grumbled and squeezed to sit between the two men. "Oh, whiskey! Can I try?"

Without waiting for an answer she snatched the glass from Sirius and took a gulp. Her face twisted and she spat in the glass, handing it back to the black-haired man.

"Urgh, horrible", she said. "Sorry."

"I'll just go get myself a new glass", the animagus said , pursing his lips in disgust.

"No, Sirius, I can -", Remus started but Sirius already stood, shaking his head.

"Oh no, my dear Moony", he said with a sly smile. "You just stay here and _entertain_ sweet Nymphadora. I might even fix myself a cuppa."

"Don't call me that!" Tonks called after him.

When her cousin was gone, the young woman smiled sweetly at Remus, her hair changing to a violent pink again. She was way too close for comfort, but when the werewolf shifted away, she shifted right with him.

"So when are you going to ask me out?" she hummed happily.

"I don't even have money to take anyone out", Remus murmured awkwardly.

"Then let me take you out", Tonks said and placed her small hand on the man's thigh. "Anywhere you like, my treat."

"Listen, Nymphadora -", the werewolf started, but the pixie-faced woman interrupted again.

"Tonks", she corrected.

"You want me to go out with you but won't let me call you by your given name?" the man chuckled, amusement crinkling the corners of his hazel eyes.

"If you had such a horrible name, you'd understand. Bleeding family traditions..." she cursed under her breath.

"I guess so, at least I'm not Lyall Jr or anything like that", the man mused.

He jumped as a delicate hand came to push some of his honey-brown hair behind his ear.

"Lyall... your father's name?" Tonks asked, voice suddenly gentle.

Remus nodded, as confused as ever by the other's rapidly changing moods.

"It's not a bad name. You could name your son after him", she said softly.

"I'll never have children", the werewolf said more harshly then he meant and finally pushed the woman away.

"Why not?" she asked, sounding hurt like it was a personal offence.

"For many reasons", Remus said and sighed internally as Sirius made an appearance.

"Here you go", the taller man said and offered the curly-haired man one of the two steaming mugs of tea he was carrying. "What are we talking about?"

"Children", Tonks said, sounding sullen.

"I hadn't realized you were so far along in your relationship!" Sirius teased, earning a murderous glance from his lover. "Congratulations!"

"And how I will never have any", the other man said, yellow eyes hard as he stared at the animagus.

That sobered Sirius up a bit, but he kept smirking as he added whiskey to his tea.

"I'm going to see if Moody's here", Tonks mumbled and stood, hair an ashen blond now.

"It was nice seeing you, Nymphadora", Remus said quietly.

"Don't call me that", she whined yet again.

"Fine", the werewolf sighed. "Goodnight, Dora."

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**18th of June, 1996 / London, Grimmauld Place 12**

"I'm worried about you", Remus breathed against Sirius' lips as the animagus unbuttoned his shirt.

The taller man just grunted and ripped the last buttons, ignoring the werewolf's annoyed huff and silencing him by deepening the kiss. He pushed the shirt aside and pulled back enough to get rid of the rest of their clothes, pressing against his lover as soon as he could. Remus moaned and lifted his hips when Sirius pushed his hand between them and grasped both their cocks.

"Really, Padfoot... You drink too much", the pale man insisted after he tasted alcohol on the other's tongue. "I'm worried."

"I can still get it up, if that's what you're scared of", the black-haired man answered with a laugh and angled himself so that his prick slid between the other's legs. "I can fuck you even if I'm drunk."

The animagus pulled back and the werewolf whimpered as he suddenly felt lubricated fingers push inside himself. After a few careless caresses they were replaced by Sirius' erection, sliding in with a burn that wasn't completely pleasurable.

"I love you, Moony", the darker man whispered as he pushed deeper.

"I love you too, Padfoot", Remus said and tried not to cry.

Both the mental and physical pain subsided soon, and both men forgot their fears and anxieties for a fleeting moment as their bodies melted into one. The warmth, the closeness, the connection between them, it erased all hurt for a while. The werewolf moaned softly as he came by Sirius' hand, and the other man soon spilled his seed inside him. The taller man didn't pull out, just drew a blanket over them and rested against his lover's chest.

They had started to drift to sleep when a knock on the door startled them apart.

"Lupin, are you in there?" they heard Kingsley ask from the hall.

"Yes, but I'm, I'm not decent", the werewolf stammered an answer.

A muffled chuckle could be heard before the man continued.

"There is a problem at the Ministry. Potter might be headed that way, and we think it's a trap. We are leaving as soon as possible, and we need you. I think, and the others agree, that it's best not to inform Black."

"Yes, I'll be right down", Remus mumbled and stared at Sirius, yellow eyes wide.

As soon as the auror's footsteps faded the animagus was on his feet and pulling his trousers on. His scarred lover got up as well and tried to stop him, only to be shoved aside.

"You can't come!" the werewolf hissed. "Please, Sirius, stay here! It's probably nothing!"

"Get dressed", the black-haired man barked. "If Harry's in danger, there's no way I'm staying behind. Get dressed, we need to go."

When Remus still didn't move, Sirius grabbed his face and kissed him fiercely.

"I love you, Moony", he murmured, grey eyes staring into yellow. "but I need to do this. Please, we need to go. It'll be alright. I love you."

"I love you, too", the curly-haired man whispered and finally pulled on the jumper Sirius held out to him.

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When Sirius fell through the Veil, Remus felt himself die inside. He clung to Harry because if he hadn't, he would've thrown himself after his lover. When they were leaving, he thought about it again, but knew the others would've stopped him.

After losing the love of his life yet again, the werewolf gave up. He did as he was told and did it well, but he just didn't care anymore. He would've welcomed death if it hadn't meant betraying the others. He offered to go on dangerous missions to get away from it all, especially Nymphadora, who had started to cling to him like a parasite. Finally, he gave up on fighting against her too.

Sometimes when he fucked Dora, Remus considered asking her to change her appearance to match that of her late cousin's. It probably would've finally scared the girl away, but even if it hadn't, Remus was pretty sure there would be imperfections in her depiction that would make him nauseated.

When her hands came across the invisible chain around his neck, he just told her it was something to do with lycanthropy and never to ask about it again.

Besides Dumbledore, it would be Sirius who saw him last for what he really was.

When Teddy was born, his hair was black for a moment before changing colour. It was such a stupid thought, but somehow Remus saw a flicker of Sirius in the child, and he fell in love so hard it brought him back to life for a while. Every time he held his son he would try to find traces of the Black blood that ran through him, traces of Sirius. For a while, it didn't seem impossible to stay in this world.

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**2nd of May 1998 / Scotland, Hogwarts**

At the final battle, he saw the strangest thing. When he was falling to the ground, already dead, the battle slipped from his vision and he saw the Veil, and this time he saw through it.

Behind it, he saw them all – James, Lily, even his mother, waiting, and Sirius with a hand held out to him, a hint of a smile playing on his lips.

This time, he didn't resist the urge to follow.

~ THE END ~


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